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citrus drowning
Contributed by
Bianca
on
Friday, 15th April 2005 @ 09:21:44 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Baby, without breath the oranges
turn blue in Her splintery net
carved of poisonwood branches.
Their wrinkled peels call
for an oxygen only you have the power to supply.
So
Shatter the soft cage with one fall
of your aqua axe, free the vulnerable fruit
holding their carbonated breaths.
Exhale to start their fruitless
yearning
Copyright ©
Bianca
... [
2005-04-15 21:21:44]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: citrus drowning
(User Rating: 1 )
by electrique_poet on
Friday, 15th April 2005 @ 11:47:40 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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this poem is amazing, such a vivid image is created here, im sorry im at a loss of words and dont know quite what to say, but i can say i enjoyed reading this
... in words electrique |
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Re: citrus drowning
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 19th June 2006 @ 10:43:28 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| this didnt seem put together that well. the words didnt seem to mesh well with each other. maybe some more punctuation, better line breaks, and some extra words will solve it. |
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