|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Symbiosis
Contributed by
jaavys
on
Sunday, 22nd December 2002 @ 11:20:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
StoryPoetry
|
I am a flower Mr. Bee
Do you not want my nectar?
We make the finest honey see
And I must fly this sector
You were a potted flower
And not from here I'd venture
You're right I come from very far
Its been quite an adventure
To take your nectar to my hive
Would be a risky venture
I dare not so contrive
To change the law of nature
I am a flower Mr. Bee
Why don't you taste my nectar?
I've heard that you can sweeten dew
And tasty is your juice
But I must sadly say adieu
I've vowed not to seduce
I am a bee Miss Flower
But I can't taste your nectar
We're symbiotic you and me
This soon you will discover
So buzz away now Mr. Bee
You can't resist the hour
Copyright ©
jaavys
... [
2002-12-22 23:20:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Symbiosis
(User Rating: 1 )
by LOWMAN613 on
Monday, 23rd December 2002 @ 12:03:27 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| This is really cute,much a surprise instead of the sad poems lately! Great one! Christina |
|
|
Re: Symbiosis
(User Rating: 1 )
by jaavys on
Tuesday, 24th December 2002 @ 03:39:08 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Hola, thanks and MC to you and yours |
|
|
Re: Symbiosis
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jade on
Friday, 3rd January 2003 @ 11:42:35 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| This poem could be illustrated and turned into a children's story. |
|
|
Re: Symbiosis
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ilhar on
Sunday, 5th January 2003 @ 01:25:26 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| very interesting good write |
|
|
Re: Symbiosis
(User Rating: 1 )
by jaavys on
Monday, 6th January 2003 @ 11:25:27 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| thank you. you're right on the mark. Happy new Year!!1 |
|
|
Re: Symbiosis
(User Rating: 1 )
by jaavys on
Monday, 6th January 2003 @ 11:26:10 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| thank you and happy new year!!! |
|
|
Re: Symbiosis
(User Rating: 1 )
by SmokinJoeEvil on
Wednesday, 15th January 2003 @ 02:52:52 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| The transition between the first-person narrative of the bee and flower is very choppy. Suddendly you were a bee, when moments ago you were a flower? I don't think so. And what is this about not being able to "resist the hour"? That was a very poor ending. |
|
|
Re: Symbiosis
(User Rating: 1 )
by jaavys on
Thursday, 16th January 2003 @ 03:27:18 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| This poem is up for an award, but anytime you are using more than one voice it gets tricky. I have another poem with three voices. Now, do you really think it is about bees and flowers. |
|
|
Re: Symbiosis
(User Rating: 1 )
by SmokinJoeEvil on
Friday, 17th January 2003 @ 12:47:10 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| If it is not about bees and flowers then it probably should not become an illustrated children's story. |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
