|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Transatlantic Dreaming
Contributed by
TheEarlyNovember
on
Tuesday, 12th April 2005 @ 11:38:47 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Overseas
Ripping at the seams
Somewhere in between
A transatlantic dream
And what was once
A home
Is now an empty house
Stationary
Every word written down
Will never cover for
What our hearts
Scream aloud
Carry on
But don't you ever stay gone
Copyright ©
TheEarlyNovember
... [
2005-04-12 23:38:47]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Transatlantic Dreaming
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on
Tuesday, 12th April 2005 @ 11:49:00 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
um..I dont know whats going on...huh?..what?...wow...Im lost...the first verse sounded cool...the second...was um...not even adding to the first...hmm.okay
Clark |
|
|
Re: Transatlantic Dreaming
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheEarlyNovember on
Wednesday, 13th April 2005 @ 12:00:35 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Well Clarke overseas means across the ocean. Ripping the seams means tearing a family apart (you know home to house.) Transatlantic means also overseas.
Stationary Clarke is paper. You usually write on paper if you want to write to someone (whos overseas)
Did I clear that up for you buddy maybe when you reach the 7th grade you'll have a better understanding? |
|
|
Re: Transatlantic Dreaming
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Wednesday, 13th April 2005 @ 06:01:01 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
OooooKaaay,,, given your retort to the first comment, let me first say - I liked it! (flinch, then looks up, no verbal barrage, carry on...). pain and defiance, strong symbolism, strong feelings. The price of dreams is sometimes too high. Good stuff, keep posting.
Spike. |
|
|
Re: Transatlantic Dreaming
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Wednesday, 13th April 2005 @ 10:59:52 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
interesting freelance poem. your first four lines are borderline on being forced for rhyme scheme. i think that the lines "And what was once/ A home/ Is now an empty house" needs to be in a different stanza, because it seems to have a different tone than the other lines of the stanza. your next stanza, i rather liked that one as well as your first, but i think that the last two lines need to be broken off from this stanza to create a new one for the same reason as the other stanza. your last line, seemed too wordy for the line that came before it. i think that maybe "Carry on/...But don't stay gone" would make the two lines sound less awkward with each other. your ending, it is fine, but it leaves me unsatisfied for some reason. i think that it is a good one, but it needs something more.
|
|
|
Re: Transatlantic Dreaming
(User Rating: 1 )
by wakegurl77 on
Tuesday, 14th June 2005 @ 03:15:42 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
i really like this poem i love the fact that it is so simple and it lets the simple words say more than is written in the text i also love the fact that it makes you think deeper into the situation by being so simply symbolic but i would have to agree with the first comment that in the last line you should get rid of "you ever" it's too wordy for the poem you probly wanted to be more specific but in this poem you dont need it
just a suggestion
leana |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
