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(A Poets Poem)
Contributed by
nos_bunny
on
Tuesday, 12th April 2005 @ 11:16:57 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Submit your mind, Submit your past,
Encourage your thoughts, Small poems grow vast.
(Your doing it now)
Tell the truth, Feel the pain,
A little more words to keep it plain.
(Is Anyone Reading?)
Hold your passion, Give it rest,
Poetry is art, And art at its best.
(Its funny....)
I gave you thoughts, I gave you sight,
To read what I think, From whats wrong and right.
(Better submit this now)
Don't give up your dreams, Until you are sure,
That your life is pain, And there is no cure.
(You all need to know..)
Copyright ©
nos_bunny
... [
2005-04-12 23:16:57]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: (A Poets Poem)
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on
Tuesday, 12th April 2005 @ 11:36:16 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
hmm....well..let me say that this poem was not something I cared to read....sorry..it was too forced...too many useless verses, and the subcouncious thought wernt helping....at all...they had no point in them....
Clark |
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Re: (A Poets Poem)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Tuesday, 12th April 2005 @ 11:37:05 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| poetry in my mind should at least have correct grammar, your description and your poem had errors, and flaws only degrade the piece. i think the thought bubbles were useless to the poem, and that they made what would have been maybe a deep thinking and complex poem simple. simple poems are not interesting, and having verses in there that degrade the piece or have basically no use to the poem lessens its brilliance. the first stanza was too repetetive. you have great rhythmn, and the thought bubbles were discordant to the piece. your rhymes, they were good, but the simple thought bubbles messed up the rhyme scheme. you have talent, but your thoughts should be left out of it if you express them in such a manner. |
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