|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Rusted Nail
Contributed by
Steven_Fenton1982
on
Tuesday, 5th April 2005 @ 04:08:32 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Adrenaline pumping,
alcohol flowing,
emotions running,
all through my platinum dreams.
Gasoline burn out,
shotgun yearning,
love sick and falling,
in my rusted nail life.
I am lost at sea,
my boat is made of paper honesty.
This ocean of deceit,
will crush it with an acid tsunami.
I'm going crazy, I'm losing my mind.
I wonder what I'll find, as it all runs away.
I'm losing my grip on all that's real,
all that's good and all that's sane.
Platinum dreams, rusted nail life.
Copyright ©
Steven_Fenton1982
... [
2005-04-05 16:08:32]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Rusted Nail
(User Rating: 1 )
by KishaLovesCare126 on
Wednesday, 6th April 2005 @ 01:21:20 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
its flooding with such painful words (which I like) your very talented:):)
keep it up! |
|
|
Re: Rusted Nail
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 27th August 2005 @ 06:01:11 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I thought the first three stanzas of this piece were incredible. Marvelous word pictures...could really feel a craziness and pain that I believe the author meant to project.
I didn't like the last stanza as much though...The first three stanzas gave me an impression of what was in the writer's mind...but the last stanza changed tones and told me in plain language what the writer was feeling. I think what I didn't like was the shift in style. On its own -- without the first three stanzas -- the last paragraph seems to stand up well.
I guess my recommendation to the author would be to consider the whole piece when writing a poem, and analyze whether a poem keeps the same tone and feel throughout.
But whoa, can the author create a word picture! Stanza three -- Wow! |
|
|
Re: Rusted Nail
(User Rating: 1 )
by needledancing on
Thursday, 15th February 2007 @ 09:26:53 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Excellent. Esp..My boat of paper honesty
Crush it with an acid tsunami....nice touch. |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
