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Falling Dream
Contributed by
BabyTears89
on
Tuesday, 5th April 2005 @ 02:37:15 AM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
I climbed the stairs
All 200 of them
20 each flight of stairs
All 10 stories of them
First floor is the check in desk and the lobby
Second floor is the first set of rooms
Third through the ninth floor are more rooms
And the tenth floor is actually the roof
The roof in which I am standing on
I am standing on the edge
Looking down
Wondering if it is really worth living
Or if this is a dream where I will almost hit the bottom
And then will fly up into the clouds
Well I guess I will find out
Because I have just jumped
I’m looking down at the city cars below
It looks like rush hour in New York City
I wonder if I am going to hit the ground
Or if I am going to hit a car
Suddenly I am thinking of all the people
And all the great things that I am leaving behind
I am feeling horrible
Not wanting to die anymore
But it’s too late
I only have 4 flights left to fall
And I am wishing I didn’t jump
I’m screaming
Hoping for help
For something
Or someone
To catch me as I fall
But no one hears me
But they see me
And it’s everyone I am leaving behind
Which makes me feel just that much worse
But suddenly I am flying
Flying into the clouds like a dream
This has to be a dream
This can’t be real
Unless I am dead and this is really heaven
But it’s not
Because I didn’t see the end of my life
But does everyone see the end of their life?
Do they know how they died before they die
Or is it just something that happens
And it’s something we can stop
But this time I can stop it
Do you know why?
Because I am dreaming
But it’s not a good dream
It’s a bad one
But it’s hard to get out of it this time
Usually I wake up by the time I have three stories left to fall
But this time
I’m still falling
What’s going on?
I’ve had these falling dreams forever
But this time I have gotten to 2 stories left
I’m almost at the bottom
Am I actually going to hit bottom?
All the horror stories I have heard is if you dream a falling dream
And you hit bottom
Then you die instantly
With no reason for your loved ones
I want a reason
I don’t want them to just see me dead suddenly
I want them to know why
Why can’t anybody hear me screaming
I thought I was dreaming
But maybe I’m not
Maybe I was in my fantasy on the way down and I never really flew
Only one floor left
I don’t want to die
Somebody please help me
This time I made the wrong choice
I know we aren’t always suppose to get second chances
But I really need it this time
I won’t ask for another chance if this happens again
But just help me
Just this once
Won’t someone listen
I am only a foot from the ground
I am practically dead
But suddenly
I wake up from this horrid dream
Thank god it was a dream
Because I couldn’t ever live with having my loved ones watching me die like that
So I won’t fall anymore
But there’s something that I don’t understand
I’ve been falling for many years now
And it’s suppose to say we are suicidal and depressed
But I just don’t understand
Because I don’t remember when it started
I always have had these falling dreams
And I don’t know how to stop them
But I want them to
Has my life really been that bad?
I never thought it was
Maybe I was suicidal before I even knew what that really meant
I’m not sure
My life was never really all that great
Maybe I should’ve hit the bottom a long time ago
But I didn’t
So there must be some reason for me to still be here today
I can’t possibly think of why
But there must be something
So I am now living to figure out why
Why I am here today
Instead of hitting the bottom from the first time I ever fell
Because one of these days
I won’t be so lucky
As I was this time
And all the times prior to this
I remember every detail right before I fall
Every time too
It helps me think of why I am actually doing this
And it helps me cry for help
Every time I fall
But what will happen if I don’t cry out
Will I finally hit the bottom
I would think so
Because I am not really that important to anyone to help me
Not without me asking
It doesn’t happen when I am awake
So why would it happen when I am asleep
Maybe it’s that someone actually loves me out there
Maybe
But I doubt it
I can’t think of any true thing that I have done right
Every things been wrong
Never right
Maybe that’s why I like the left path
Maybe the left path leads to me falling every time
So what will happen if I take the right path
Does that mean I won’t fall
Or does that mean that I will fall
And succeed at what I was trying to do
Trying to do every time I fell
And let death overcome me
So far I think I have taken the left path
Maybe just once I’ll try harder and try something right
And take the right path
And hope luck will be on my side
Like it’s been year after year
Does anybody know what I mean?
Mean when I fall?
Help!!! I’m falling!!!
Copyright ©
BabyTears89
... [
2005-04-05 02:37:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Falling Dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by kymmers on
Tuesday, 5th April 2005 @ 03:42:15 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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there's something about this poem that i just love
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Re: Falling Dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by christopherscool on
Tuesday, 5th April 2005 @ 03:53:06 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I'm just glad you don't write long stuff... |
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