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in the sun
Contributed by
the_Ghost_Moth
on
Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 04:54:03 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
tonight i'll leave the world
and run up to the moon
into a darker night,
to burn away...
i'll be brightly splendid orange,
a star standing atop a hill,
falling down
on its face...
i'll throw a black flag of smoke
into the pale yellow skies of dawn,
all that's left of me played with by a breeze
that spins around in circles
like a child on top of a hill
if i fall too hard i will not cry...
and tomorrow,
laughing again,
i will play
in the sun
~
--by Ghost Moth
copyright 2005
~~~
rewritten march 30 2005
original draft Dec 27, 2004
Copyright ©
the_Ghost_Moth
... [
2005-03-30 16:54:03]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 05:05:17 PM AEST
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| This is a great poem. Thanks for your comments on my poem as well. There is an eloquence about your style of writing. I can't quite put my finger on it. You are very adept, this poem is a great confidence builder. |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 05:14:24 PM AEST
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| This poem is beautiful!!! I only wish i could write like this............ |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jackee_line on
Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 05:38:31 PM AEST
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| Well done, enjoyed the read |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Overstated on
Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 06:31:14 PM AEST
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I thought this was an excellent piece and i'm glad you chose to share it - really liked the lines 'i'll throw a black flag of smoke
into the pale yellow skies of dawn,'
overall i thought the poem flowed really well and that you have suceeded in producing a piuece of art |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 07:01:27 PM AEST
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" all that's left of me played with by a breeze ...
that spins around in circles
like a child on top of a hill"
That has some power there. I really like the images I get here. When you get there ... bark at the dark side for me as well ... Mom says I can't come out and play tonight !!! LOL
Nazzy ~ |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 08:13:28 PM AEST
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if i fall too hard i will not cry...
and tomorrow,
laughing again,
i will play
in the sun
You have a way about you Mothy, and it breathes in your words.
Nice job.
mj |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by UnlovedChild on
Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 09:06:05 PM AEST
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| A beautiful and powerful poem. You express your deep heartfelt emotions well. |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Les4567 on
Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 10:31:36 PM AEST
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Very nice descriptions. You really painted a picture. Very nice poem. Keep on writing!
~Les
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 10:58:04 PM AEST
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| that was an excellent write, each stanza pulling me further in. I've read it several times now, it is one of my favorites. Thankyou for sharing. Peace to you. Laura |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Thursday, 31st March 2005 @ 07:11:41 AM AEST
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ohh brilliant, so brilliant. loved this,have missed your poems so much,
pix xx |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rxqueen on
Thursday, 31st March 2005 @ 08:28:45 AM AEST
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| You are really depressing me. You write with so much behind your words it hits me in the face and the heart. So I ask you this, can I come? |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Thursday, 31st March 2005 @ 09:39:37 AM AEST
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Oh.. this is so.. uh..a word for sad, that isn't sad?
Ok, seriously, what's up?
This is an amazing write, you have used a stunning metaphor here, I love the thought of running to the moon, and it is a thought that has crossed my mind before, but you've written it better than I could.
I hope you are OK, but if you need to chat you know where to find me,
Phil |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Thursday, 31st March 2005 @ 04:18:23 PM AEST
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What a sad write, whats up Ghosty?
This was depressing and yet you really did an excellent job on composing this.
You really are a talented poet, keep up the good work handsome.
Jane |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 05:19:25 AM AEST
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This is great, it kinda reminds me of limbo, have you ever seen what dreams may come with Robin Williams, kind of like that, a wonderful world to be stuck in with no jurt no pain your just there, I like that, just like a happy memorie repeated again and again in ur mind
XOXOXJill |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 09:53:20 AM AEST
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I was wondrously surprised to have read such a lovely poem.
Now I want to play in the sun.
As I read it a second time, I read it aloud. It sounded so pleasant and it is a gorgeous poem.
Kie |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by waos on
Saturday, 2nd April 2005 @ 09:19:11 PM AEST
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I really liked how you ended it. Good job, this was really cool and original
and yeah... awesome.
~Waos/Kara |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 6th April 2005 @ 12:49:42 PM AEST
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| Wow...well done Mothy! well done!! |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by freckle on
Wednesday, 6th April 2005 @ 09:20:22 PM AEST
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Nice one Ghosty....this is a wonderful piece..but you already know you rock....thanks for sharing it with us lessor bards....
Carol |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by cuddlytiger17 on
Thursday, 7th April 2005 @ 09:22:54 PM AEST
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I really like this. It's full of so much emotion.
Hope and despair at the same time.
These lines were really good:
"i'll throw a black flag of smoke
into the pale yellow skies of dawn,
all that's left of me played with by a breeze
that spins around in circles" |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Friday, 8th April 2005 @ 03:16:13 AM AEST
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this write rocks.
great job mothy. |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Saturday, 16th April 2005 @ 05:32:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Very creative, and in style write.......feels the emotions that flowed.
Thank you for sharing!
Brew~
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by inoc on
Sunday, 17th April 2005 @ 06:27:31 AM AEST
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******brilliant ****Ghost Moth
oh" playing in the sun"....sounds devine!
cheers!~ |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 30th April 2005 @ 07:49:20 PM AEST
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beautiful... truely beautiful... hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:-
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Friday, 6th May 2005 @ 03:07:41 AM AEST
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| You have a real knack for story-telling. It seems everytime you open your mouth there's a poem waiting to be born....Scorp. |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 17th September 2005 @ 05:10:45 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I'm not sure if I missed something here, but I didn't find this
depressing. Maybe I AM missing something, but I liked it
very much. Your imagery is astounding Ghosty. But then, it
always was. Well done. I can't wait to read more!
~Breezy |
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Re: in the sun
(User Rating: 1 )
by darkangeleyes57 on
Tuesday, 11th April 2006 @ 11:03:03 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Great poem.. Well written and i enjoyed reading this..
take care
christina |
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