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What Pain Can Do
Contributed by
NightOwl
on
Monday, 28th March 2005 @ 04:55:32 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I look down at your broken body
Covered in crimson because of me
I can’t believe that I am
The cause of what I see
I slowly sink to my knees
And stare into your blue eyes
So full of pain and torment
But, of course, you aren’t surprise
Your breaths will soon stop coming
And that’s all because of me
Through my tears of sorrow I lean over
And kiss your warm, sweet cheek
You open your mouth and painfully
Speak words I will never forget:
“Sweetheart, I love you dearly,
And I know you’ll make it through yet.”
As your head droops gently onto my lap
And you take your final breath
I scream, “I’m so sorry!”
But it’s too late – you’ve been taken by death.
I remember as if it were yesterday
How you looked into my eyes
When I walked into your classroom
With a knife to bring about your demise
You knew that I might do this
Because you hurt me so
And thus I stabbed and killed you
Fully enjoying each and every blow
I thought that killing you would be revenge
But as I watched you die
Your kindness and your loving look
Made me, the murderer, cry
I looked down at your corpse
Beautiful even in death
I reached for the shining silver knife
I too took my final breath
I plunged that horrible knife
Stained with your blood, lovely and crimson
Into my sinful, hateful chest
And fell upon your dress of white linen.
Copyright ©
NightOwl
... [
2005-03-28 16:55:32]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: What Pain Can Do
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Monday, 28th March 2005 @ 05:01:29 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| whoa, strong stuff here. I really liked how this played out. you managed your words very well, only a couple extra words here and there in the lines, but that's plain nit-picking. You've done very well here, great descriptions, great lines. Well done |
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Re: What Pain Can Do
(User Rating: 1 )
by Mortis-Dark on
Monday, 28th March 2005 @ 05:05:00 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Awesome write. The words ran smoothly and solid. Great write. |
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Re: What Pain Can Do
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 28th March 2005 @ 05:33:48 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| WOW! Raw emotion. Excellent write! |
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Re: What Pain Can Do
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Monday, 28th March 2005 @ 09:41:24 PM AEST
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a Message)
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kept me on the edge start to finish you have a way with this made it seem so real too real almost whewwwww!
Michelle |
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Re: What Pain Can Do
(User Rating: 1 )
by Overstated on
Tuesday, 29th March 2005 @ 02:10:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
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new at this???? looks like you've been doing it for years as youve wrote a blinder of a poem!!
truely superb piece i cant think of anyways you could of improved this piece
superb |
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