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ZenMind
Contributed by
Nardo
on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 05:18:46 PM in AEST
Topic:
FriendshipPoetry
|
He stood somewhere between a
Dream within a dream
the most gentle of Gentle Men
draped in Poe's beautiful mind.
Through his hands
crack Fire and Ice
the words he hears so full of Life
too far for me to touch and too scared not to
for we are only twinned by thoughts and
Boundless words
Emotional tides
on the Mind's ocean.
Inside of me lies a river of Fire
from which I'm born
to die and then
return
once again,
the only creature able
to soar freely through the Universe.
And,
in You
lies the orbits in which we take
the visions
the places
the people
solar systems each containing its own
Sun.
Spinning Wild and in control,
in You,
lies the Universe
Copyright ©
Nardo
... [
2005-03-21 17:18:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: ZenMind
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 06:33:10 PM AEST
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a Message)
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well done!!!
And I couldn't agree more!! |
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Re: ZenMind
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 07:18:08 PM AEST
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I'm with you, and Jecks - -
nice work. |
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Re: ZenMind
(User Rating: 1 )
by SeptChill on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 11:15:01 PM AEST
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| I liked to poem too. It's powerful and original. My only criticism is that there are certain areas (Fire and Ice...full of life, lies the universe ) there are cliche phrases that mar the serious and beautiful tone of the poem. If you end up rewriting it and taking those out, I'd LOVE to read it again! Good write |
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Re: ZenMind
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Tuesday, 22nd March 2005 @ 04:43:21 PM AEST
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wow.....well I don't even know where to start.....I'm kind of blown away. lol First, thank you so much! I've never had anyone write a poem about me, but it means so much more to me considering that this is an amazing poem. I truly mean that, not because it is about me (which is very flattering) but because the words you used were simply amazing. I could highlight this entire poem really, and if I must, I will, but I will definitely point out some of my favorite lines.
He stood somewhere between a
Dream within a dream
the most gentle of Gentle Men
draped in Poe's beautiful mind.
I thought this was the perfect way to begin this poem. I love the sound of this plus I could perfectly visualize this image in my mind, which I think, is what a good poem does. Also I am really touched by this, not only because I feel like this is a huge complement, but also because the way that you describe me shows that you really understand the feelings that I try to express. I really appreciate that.
Inside of me lies a river of Fire
from which I'm born
to die and then
return
once again,
the only creature able
to soar freely through the Universe.
And,
in You
lies the orbits in which we take
the visions
the places
the people
solar systems each containing its own
Sun.
Spinning Wild and in control,
in You,
lies the Universe
Well this part simply blew me away. These lines, might just be, the greatest complements I've ever recieved, because, again, I feel like you understand me, and see in me, that which I am trying to express, which is ultimately unexpressable. And so I find myself in difficult positions of not knowing if I am ever expressing that---whatever that feeling is----and it makes me so glad that you see that. I think, in these lines, you did a great job of connecting yourself to me. This poem isn't just about me, but it is about your relationship to me, and so it is about how our energies work with each other, and I am impressed by your ability to express that. I think the core of what I try to express in my poetry is that universal quality that makes us human, which is something that we all share at the core of being alive, and if you can feel what I am talking about, then, I think, you are also connecting to that feeling within yourself. I think that you expressed that same sentiment in this last part.
Thank you so much again.
Be True,
zenmind |
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