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regret
Contributed by
colin
on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 03:39:21 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
A molested mind of a faith ser past, memories solitude in a cavern; isolated and dark. Im Suffocated, there is no air to breathe, corrupted and blinded as if no light to be seen. As my mind is collasping, slowy inclosed, my heart has stoped beating and my hatred exposed.
My blood that flows, leaking from my eyes, chills the tears that now drowns my sight. Echos of voices, repeated screams of a silent irony, contaminated souls forever to wisper their unregretable prophecy, slowly eroded with stares of an eterny, being drenched with what remains of my despite.
Caved in and blinded from my reality, my hearts befallen beneath a pit of this suffering controversy, stabbed one-thousand times before im released, tortued for too long until im desceased.
Laying alone at night; emotionless, pondering and wondering what my place is. Watching my world as it slowly implodes, waiting awaken until I explode, congregating the living as they slowly erode, darkening all the light until every breath is inclosed.
Copyright ©
colin
... [
2005-03-21 03:39:21]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: regret
(User Rating: 1 )
by Amaterian_Angel on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 03:54:53 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| ... in a dark sorta way. Terrific poem! Well done! |
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Re: regret
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 04:16:09 AM AEST
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a Message)
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What a deep write, i enjoyed this poem a lot.
Thanks for posting.
Jane |
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Re: regret
(User Rating: 1 )
by SocialMisfit on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 04:27:17 AM AEST
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wow this is frigin awsome your wording here is perfect it is a very well writen poem. and the feelings behind it are expressed well.congrats on a wonderfull poem.
SM |
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Re: regret
(User Rating: 1 )
by Unbreakable on
Monday, 21st March 2005 @ 05:59:19 AM AEST
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I think that your language is way too flowery to get what you want to say across to your readers...and the imagery, I guess, you use makes me think you are some sort of natural disaster (as in an earthquake, volcanoe, etc.) collapsing, implode, explode, erode, caved in...and what exactly is a molested mind of faith? I think you have a good idea going here, and you are definitely a good writer, the only advice I would give you is to cut back on the flowery words that just take up space and also on the repetition of words and your ideas in general.
Krystal |
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Re: regret
(User Rating: 1 )
by WAE on
Saturday, 20th August 2005 @ 04:27:24 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Penetrating and believable... |
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