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I Will Burn Out
Contributed by
pUnKa_RaCh
on
Sunday, 20th March 2005 @ 12:06:29 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Fire in my eyes, it was I that burned for you
But now that fire is out I don’t know what I’ll do
Ashes become my eyes while they sweep away the tears
Soon there will be nothing left as the watery end draws near
You enlightened my entire life for the short time you were there
But I cannot stand your absence so I’m burning out just like a flare
My fate is sealed because you’re face haunts my every day
I shall choose to burn out rather than fade away
Copyright ©
pUnKa_RaCh
... [
2005-03-20 00:06:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I Will Burn Out
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 20th March 2005 @ 03:11:17 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I really liked this. The flow is great and I think this is something I can really relate to. Excellent work. |
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Re: I Will Burn Out
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Sunday, 20th March 2005 @ 06:28:52 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Very interesting write.
I can see this one like a magic starburst.
huggs,
smiles,
emy |
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Re: I Will Burn Out
(User Rating: 1 )
by THORN on
Wednesday, 30th March 2005 @ 07:02:37 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Hahaha, everybody says it's good but is afraid to say what they saw.
Well, this is what I saw: (imagery)
A girl surrounded by a dark atmosphere with nothing but candles for lighting and a coffin with a red rose on top in the background.
The girl is crying, fog covers the floors, poem ends - candles burn out.
Somehow, someway - trying to express the loss of someone dear to you. Whether death (I am sorry, may s/he R.I.P.) or poor communication.
But let's talk poetic view, not video clip production view (sorry, sometimes you get carried away with hobbies O_o).
-> The rhymes used were simple but strong and the vocabulary was limited, but structed nicely to give it complexity.
A nice piece, keep it going!
Cheers,
-XxRayeXx |
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