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New Life
Contributed by
deb_lalala
on
Tuesday, 15th March 2005 @ 11:49:14 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
As I walk down this path I wonder....
.....Is this the right path?........
..........Did I make the right decisions?........
Well, I can definitely answer the second one....
No matter if I made the right decisions or not, I am a better person for knowing what I do now...but...
Boy, if I knew then what I know now, I would be okay and I wouldn't even be writing this...
But life.... to me... is a series of trial and errors: you learn from your mistakes.
.....I really screwed up this time...
Although they say it takes TWO to tango,
I always seem to be receiving the repercussions of any kind of copulative acts--
.........but I wanted...
.......no.. needed something....
..........LOVE...................COMPASS ION.........................TRUST....... ....
The need to feel wanted...cherished.....
..................The NEED to feel like a WOMAN...................
I feel much wiser should a young woman my age.... not entirely my fault...
It was my thirst for knowledge-
................and childhood neglect...........
-that made me this way.....
I grew up way too fast and am now paying the price of trial and error.
So many times a guy has impugned me into doing something I didn't want to do...
Though I didn't sleep around...every guy...
...........intentional or not.......
HAS made it a point to make me feel like a courtesan.
........you would think I would learn.........
Half the time I could say I was drunk or high and I didn't comprehend what I was doing...
.........part of the time I could say that was true.....
The other part I have to say that in the back of my mind....
........I knew what I was doing and the Satan in me says that I enjoyed every minute of it.....
I KNEW I was being used...
.... but I was using them too so I didn't care....
The other half.. on the other hand...
I actually fell for the same stunts over and over again...
........I guess that's where the whole love/compassion thing comes into play...........
I could probably blame it on my mother for not giving me enough love when I was a child....
....h***-- even now...
but it wouldn't change a damn thing...
I am still up the creek without a paddle getting ready to crash down the waterfalls ahead...
.........so I ask...
What do I do now?
I am an adult legally--well, able to take a bullet in the a** for my country but not able to drink away the pain of it...
...........but I feel like I'm fifty with the weight of the world on my shoulders...
Certain people think I'm trying to save the world...
........I hate to tell them I'm not...I'm trying to save myself...
but those words don't come out whenever the occasion arrises...
People tell me to "believe in the Lord and he shall guide you"
Well, I do believe... but I don't see anything happening.... however-- I still have faith..
I think that everything happens for a reason...and because I have nothing else to believe....
...................to lean on.............to trust............to talk to when I'm in tears....
Most of the time the question is "Why?"
...................why?................. ........Why?..........................WH Y??..............
Deep down I know that there is a reason for everything that is happening in my life..
I have to believe it... I have nothing else.......
..........just a small little ray of hope... it's quickly dimming... but it's there....
Now more than ever, I really have to hold on to that ray of hope with all my might...
because if what my conscience is telling me is true....
.......then new life will begin....
am I ready??....
Copyright ©
deb_lalala
... [
2005-03-15 23:49:14]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: New Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 16th March 2005 @ 12:05:31 AM AEST
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a Message)
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deb Your poem is full of confusion and hurt. We all have hurt sometimes not easy to let go of. You are giving breath to new life a whole other life that can be right where you are now, or you can give your child a better life then you had. Try to put the past behind you and live for today, tofay is really the only thing we have for sure. If you cant do that ur psat will just eat a big whole up inside of you, and then like you say in ur poem ur mother dident give you enough Love. Well its time you start Loving urself. If you cant Love yourself how are you going to be able to give your child Love. It is like trying to get water from an empty well. Sooner or later without Love for urself there will be no Love inside for n e one else. Only blame hurt guilt and emptiness. whats inside of u is who you are as a person, you dont want to be that. You can be Love You can be giving, You can be forgiving, and nurturing. Not only to your Baby but to yourself! You must first Love you before anyone else can.
Give it a try if you can take a bullet for the U.S.
you can give a smile for your baby and yourself! Good luck!!!XOXO
Jill |
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Re: New Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by brains_of_the_insane on
Wednesday, 16th March 2005 @ 12:11:47 AM AEST
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| I like your style of writing! |
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Re: New Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Wednesday, 16th March 2005 @ 12:54:26 AM AEST
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I can certainly relate to ones self abuse and being used by men but please take it easy on yourself.
I also know that god is the giver and taker of life and I firmly believe that if God wants a child to be born then it will be.
by all means don't beat yourself up for something that can't be changed. Stop worrying about what people think and say jus luv your unborn child like never before. Stand and be the mother u know u can be and be luv to the new life. Iraised my three children alone and never have regretted that fact. I stayed home with them and we lived on luv with little money but at least they know what luv is. Being a mother isn't easy but the joys out last any pain u may have had or may in the future.
I'm sure that many will disagree with me but that's o.k. too cause I raised three children that know life is more than material wealth and the never think they are any better than any one else.
luv, huggs, faith, hope, strength, joy, peace,
emy |
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