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Never

Contributed by deb_lalala on Tuesday, 15th March 2005 @ 11:42:54 PM in AEST
Topic: LostLove

There is a saying I once heard...
"It is better to have loved and lost, then never have loved at all"
I used to use this saying as advice for friends when they were experiencing heartache.
I never realized how much this statement was bull****- until now.
I have loved--yes.
I have lost--yes..
but I still love..
and she is still lost--to me...
Sometimes my friends ask me, "Do you wish you could take it back?"
At times like this, I would reply--yes.
What I mean by "at times like this" is...
-if I knew that I would feel this lonely after falling in love, I would not have grown so attached...
-if I knew that every thought I had was of her, I wouldn't have cast her a second glance when I met her...
-if I knew that my heart breaking would hurt this bad- I would have never gotten involved...
But before I lost.. I loved.. and it was the greatest feeling in the world.
I will never forget anything about her.
Her smile... her touch... her laugh... will be engraved in my memory until my dying day.
You know, I knew I was setting myself up for heartache--lying to myself... saying that I wasn't expecting anything...
Well... at that particular moment in time, I wasn't.
I wasn't expecting to fall in love..
I still am in love- and am kicking myself everyday for doing it.
My friend actually spoke this saying back to me... rubbing it in.. saying that my "words of wisdom" have come back to bite me in the a**.
Normally, I would have to agree...
but the difference is--when they loved and lost--it was not unrequited...
sad part on my end--it was one sided...
she never loved me... only I her.
So I could ask myself if I would change anything-- and my answer would be..no..
reason being..
I guess you could say that I never loved and lost...
I never had love to begin with...
I've experienced it on my side..
but you can't lose something you never had.
And I never had her.

Copyright © deb_lalala ... [ 2005-03-15 23:42:54]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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