|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Creepy Crawly
Contributed by
Pats4eva7
on
Monday, 14th March 2005 @ 06:43:41 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Im emotionally exausted,
Im mentally drained.
Handprints of red on the walls,
My soul is savagely stained.
Everything's so dark,
In this dungeon called my head.
Little voices call to me,
Off my pain their fed.
Angel wings are stripped,
As I fall helplessly from the sky.
I find my way to Hell,
Just wishing I could die.
It's been months since Ive fallen,
Ive held on for so damn long.
My eye catches the blade,
Though I know its wrong.
But this corrupted singer,
Sings songs of sweet death.
Telling me it will all be better,
As soon as I take my final breath.
My poetry cannot express,
What crawls under my skin.
These rhyming words of nonsense,
Cant show you what's within.
My life's crumbling at my feet,
And there's nothing I can do or say.
A part of me realizes,
It has to be this way.
It swims throughout my veins,
As the lies coarse through my heart.
Telling me, comanding me,
To just let myself fall apart.
What if I let it consume me,
Would that mean I lost?
What's the penalty for surrender,
What's death's cost?
I laugh to myself,
Because I know they cant help me.
A part of me is glad im unreachable,
I dont even wanna be free.
I like to see their concern,
But to feel they dont care.
Because honestly it doesnt bother me,
That they're never there.
I know im going to hell,
Waiting for me's a seat.
All the voices in my head,
The creepy crawly has me beat.
Copyright ©
Pats4eva7
... [
2005-03-14 06:43:41]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Creepy Crawly
(User Rating: 1 )
by EverlastingDawn on
Monday, 14th March 2005 @ 09:51:46 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Beautifully dark poem. It's inspiring in a sorta twisted way. The imagery is creative and moving. The metaphors are perfect. Your personification is deep, and silly and happy like most poems tend to be. The flow of your poem is nice and easy to read. Your poem goes straight to the point, and doesn't beat around the bush, which isn't too common, and makes it unique. And your rhyming just puts the icing on the cake. Though, you might want to change im, to I'm. Other than that your poem is utterly amazing. Great Write. |
|
|
Re: Creepy Crawly
(User Rating: 1 )
by AmyLee4Ever on
Tuesday, 5th July 2005 @ 02:51:39 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Alll I can this say is this is a truly great poem. The only thing I see that has me confused is this part...
Angel wings are stripped,
As I fall helplessly from the sky.
I find my way to Hell,
Just wishing I could die.
You are talking about heaven and hell, thought you hadn't reached either one until the end. And if you did reach hell... you would be dead, so why would you say you want to die. You's already be dead. If it is a metaphor calling your life hell, why is the angels talked about. Heaven isn't close to being part of Earth. That is the only stanza that gets me questioning, but the rest of the poem is really great. It had me stuck in it and I couldn't turn away from reading it... nice write...
Jodi |
|
|
Re: Creepy Crawly
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 6th July 2005 @ 10:16:59 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Angel wings are stripped.......I can understand what you're saying here.I truly enjoyed this piece. |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
