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Constant hills and shade.
Contributed by
iodinelove
on
Wednesday, 2nd March 2005 @ 06:12:45 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Casually calling her name considers the influences considers the companionship of a long love lifting over constant hills and shade.
My love my love my love my love my forever empty bed my forever love calling over moist and still nights calling sugar slips and bras falling over empty beds.
The sentence the weeping that is said the wept and swept closets full of dirt and sand my palm my fingers my hand against her tears her cheek her hair sleek and sticky from our sweat.
And we sleep and all my dreams are dead and i look away i look behind and say i did not love i did not need to love to dream to hope because I did not need her or want her but i loved her i cared nothing for her, her hypocrisy sickening sucking the honey and nicotine off the walls.
And we sleep and all my dreams are dead and i look away i look behind and say i loved i needed to love to dream to hope because i needed her and wanted her i loved her i cared for her, her sympathy encompassing painting her face with her fingers.
The sentence the dreaming that is dead the dreams and drawn curtains in the air my face my lips my hair against her breasts her flesh her bare and open body forgotten and ensnared.
My love my love my love my love my forever empty stead my forever love falling under moist and still nights falling vast and rapid stains falling under empty beds.
Casually calling her name considers the calculated considers the familiarity of a long life lifting over constant hills and shade.
Copyright ©
iodinelove
... [
2005-03-02 06:12:45] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Constant hills and shade.
(User Rating: 1 ) by girltranscended on
Tuesday, 8th March 2005 @ 01:10:35 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Your title and first line rocked, and I yearned to hear it again, and thankfully it was there waiting in the last line.
This was really cool. I like how you have thrown in repetition but also change many lines. A suggestion here...
"my palm my fingers my hand against her tears her cheek her hair sleek and sticky from our sweat."
I do not like "from our sweat" - I suggest wording it differently or dropping it all together.
Great read, thanx!
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