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My Broken Heart
Contributed by
bonita2689
on
Tuesday, 1st March 2005 @ 05:24:11 PM in AEST
Topic:
LoveRemembered
|
another battle scar
on my heart
everyday
its the same
another forever
broken apart
I'm to blame
things change
promises made
love dims and fades
another incision
could pull me under
sometime I begin to wonder
if love is worth it at all
because everytime I fall
I'm crushed
laughing, I blushed
our love, it grows
time flows
and I hit the bottom
no stopping
only to realize
the tears from my eyes
won't fall anymore
how can I give a heart away
thats been ripped and torn
even though I need you
I'll keep my heart this time
and bid you goodbye
Copyright ©
bonita2689
... [
2005-03-01 17:24:11]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Broken Heart
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 1st March 2005 @ 05:30:40 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I guess so. I lost interest after you rhymed 'heart' with 'apart'. Try rhyming subtley differently - assonantly, instead of consonantly, such as rhyming 'heart' with 'heard' . . .or 'hard', 'hear', 'heat', etc. etc.
Just a suggestion.
Keep writing. |
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Re: My Broken Heart
(User Rating: 1 )
by mina-1 on
Tuesday, 1st March 2005 @ 09:45:40 PM AEST
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a Message)
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this is a really good write.
heartfelt and deep.
keep up the great work Bonita |
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