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C.I.A.
Contributed by
Steeleyes
on
Sunday, 15th December 2002 @ 01:20:00 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
'C. Intelligence Anywhere?'
'Nope!'
'Situation normal then?'
'Yup!'
'Can I destabalize some regime today Chief, can I,
can I, can I?'
'Well, let me see... Whoa! We only seem to have
Right Wing dictatorships and Death Squads left...
Hmmmm... Looks like we've fulfilled our purpose in
life... Shucks!'
'Oh, Chief - go on... lemmee, I wanna destabalize,
I'm in a mood for a bit of mischief! Anything will
do... Let's terminate a few Union Leaders with
extreme prejudice! Or at least spread some
misinformation to the gutter press about their
sex-lives... How's about exploding cigars... this
Bush guy looks like a Pinko to me, why don't we send
HIM one?'
'Son, don't worry about Bush, his dad is one of
ours, he's got him under strict surveillance.'
'Okay Chief... So since you wont let me play today
I have a few questions...'
'Fire away! Eh, not LITERALLY, okay!?!?!'
'Heh! Right... Okay..., so we supplied these
Mujahideen guys in Afghanistan a while back with
all the rocket launchers, arms and stuff and so
forth. Everything they wanted, right?'
'Right.'
'They got the Russkies out, okay. The country was
destroyed and thrown back to the Stone Age but
that's not important we agree on that, okay?
But now the Russkies are our pals and these Mohaji
guys hate our guts! I mean, wha...?
'Ah son, you don't understand the vast tapestry of
global power matrices...'
'What does THAT mean Chief?'
'Duh...I dunno son... But I think it means we
***** up...'
'Another thing Chief... We love democracy don't
we...?'
'Yup!'
'And we want to see freedom and justice in
every country around the world. And of course
that means free speech and religious freedom
too, yeah?'
'Yup!'
'So how come we support people like the Kuwaities
and Saudi Arabians who's governments are not even
elected? How come they are our big buddies when
they can throw women in jail just for driving an
auto and cut peoples hands off for stealing? How is
it we turn a blind eye to their censoring all their newspapers and even when they execute Muslims for
converting to Christianity?'
(Chief pulls out a dollar bill from his pocket)
'Ever seen one of these boy..!?'
'Ohhh....Duhhh...I get it...'
'But Chief, we supplied this Sadaam Hussein or
Hussein Sadaam or whatever damn thing we're supposed
to call him, with all the arms he wanted and he
disposed of a load of Kurds and other worhthless folks.
We sent folks to buddy up to him every few months,
shaking his hand, smiling... Then he wastes a few
Aay-rabs that we LIKE and suddenly we hate his guts
and he hates ours! We go in there and have to destroy
all the stuff we sold him and take HIS country back
to the Stone Age. What was that all THAT about...?'
'Well we got paid for all that stuff didn't we?'
'I don't think so Chief!'
(Smacks head) 'Those ***** devious Aay-rabs!'
'Er, thanks Chief... Is there someone here in
this complex of sky-high salaries that knows
what the hell he's doin'?'
'Duh... Not as far as I know kid. But WE get paid
don't we? That's the main thing... Anyhow now it has
to be done all over again but this time they go back
even FURTHER than the Stone Age! (Duh... what WAS
before the ***** Stone Age anyhow...???)'
'It don't matter none. But son, always remember, we
always must TALK like we're principled... And always
deny any mistakes okay, if you wanna keep getting
paid...
Right?'
'Wow Chief I get it. WE make the rules about
what's principled and what isn't depending on what
suits our economical benefit. It all makes perfect
sense now...!'
'But there's one last thing Chief... If we are so incompetent, if we make more than half the world
hate us, if our dirty tricks keep getting found out,
and we screw up our world markets, then what the
hell good are we?'
'Shhhh kid, keep your ***** voice down if you
don't want to leave this building with a rocket up
your a**...!!!
That's TOP SECRET INFORMATION!!!!!!!!!'
Copyright ©
Steeleyes
... [
2002-12-15 01:20:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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