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Dust from mars
Contributed by
lostinmyself
on
Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 02:48:55 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Sometimes I think I should just let go,
And use my wings to fly away.
Spread them wide, leap to the sky,
Throw myself into the day.
Journey to the end of the world,
Then continue on toward the stars,
Draw myself a little map,
So I could return to you with dust from mars...
...Where I would trace a heart into the reddest sand,
And send it back to you grain by grain,
Each one a message more than words,
Each one a link in an invisible chain,
So you know that I am near to you,
Although I may seem far away,
There is still this link to you and I,
That no earth or stars can separate...
So even when I do let go,
When my wings do take me on the breeze,
I wish for you to always know,
There is a sprinkle of dust from mars with me...
And I'm just a call away...
Copyright ©
lostinmyself
... [
2005-02-25 14:48:55]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 02:50:59 PM AEST
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I loved this from the first to the last letter, that is so breath takingly beautiful, I wish there was more than 5 to give it as 5 doesnt do this justice , brilliant Philly *hugs*
pix xx |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by LadyWynter on
Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 03:15:48 PM AEST
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I want to say this is beautiful, so touching, but those words don't seem to do it justice. This is just........wow! Wonderful, wonderful piece!
LadyWynter |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 03:34:53 PM AEST
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Yeah, ... what they said !!! Beautiful, Phil. I know this feeling, needing to get away but not so far as to be unable to return. You done good.
Nazzy ~
Favorite lines ...
"Although I may seem far away,
There is still this link to you and I,
That no earth or stars can separate..." |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by Necromant on
Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 06:16:17 PM AEST
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| Wow, this is so wonderful! The wording is beautiful and so sweet!!!!!!! It makes me go all awwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!! Awesome :D |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 06:52:44 PM AEST
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Oh my...I just love the imagery in this Phil.
And its you, it has that scent of you to it, I mean you have this way of putting your personal emotion into this that transmits to the reader.....awsome write!
HUGsss |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 06:52:49 PM AEST
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This is so well thought out to be honest i could never praise you enough, truely breathtaking.
Johnny. |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 09:21:19 PM AEST
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A beautiful peice of writting phill, loved reading it, excellant as always . . .
Dorian Chambers |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stellar on
Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 10:16:46 PM AEST
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So good!! I don't know what else to say...I loved it! Very romantic write!!!
Take care ~Stellar |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Saturday, 26th February 2005 @ 04:08:14 AM AEST
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WOW!!!! Phil this was just beautiful, it's simply is breathtaking.
I love the way you wrote this and i know what you mean by going away, cause a lot of us would like to do that
Anyways kudos on a brilliant write.
Jane ^_^
(Who could never rumbble like Jarred) |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 26th February 2005 @ 09:31:18 AM AEST
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| original and inspired write. I really liked this, start to finish |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by liquidsunshine on
Sunday, 27th February 2005 @ 03:09:25 PM AEST
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Sometimes I think I should just let go,
And use my wings to fly away.
Spread them wide, leap to the sky,
Throw myself into the day.
Journey to the end of the world,
Then continue on toward the stars,
Draw myself a little map,
~~This part up here ^^ seems to be a bit on the cliche side, using things lots of poets use in lots of the same ways that they use them... until...~~
So I could return to you with dust from mars...
~~This is where the reader (one like myself) perks up their eyes and ears and thinks, "Ohh, okay. She's doing something different here; going off on her own tangent, I see."~~
...Where I would trace a heart into the reddest sand,
And send it back to you grain by grain,
Each one a message more than words,
Each one a link in an invisible chain,
So you know that I am near to you,
Although I may seem far away,
There is still this link to you and I,
That no earth or stars can separate...
~~This line seems to wander/drift back to the cliche side but you've done such a nice job I almost hate to mention it~~
So even when I do let go,
When my wings do take me on the breeze,
I wish for you to always know,
There is a sprinkle of dust from mars with me...
~~All of this is profoundly well thought out, beautiful and descriptive. I love the beauty of this, the emotions put into picturesque space-travel scenes... it's truly breathtaking, Philomena my dearie.~~
And I'm just a call away...
~~I agree with Andrew on this line now that I've read his comment
I love this poem overall but you asked for constructive criticism, so I gave it to you.
Lots of love and peace be with you,
Chelsea
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by liquidsunshine on
Sunday, 27th February 2005 @ 07:54:15 PM AEST
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I must correct myself, Philomena. I wrote that I was agreeing with Andrew when in fact I was agreeing with JARRED.
JARRED JARRED JARRED!!!!
I KNEW I was talking about Jarred. But see, I was also reading something I'd recieved from ANDREW at the same time... so I got my Jarreds and my Andrews criss crossed.
Anywho, great poem.
Lots of love and peace be with you all (especially JARRED)
Chelsea
(who is kind of having one of those baffled moments where you mix up your Jarreds with your Andrews and your Beckys with your Dees) |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Tuesday, 1st March 2005 @ 05:09:48 PM AEST
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Oh this is so beautifully written philly i love it.
this is my favorite part.
When my wings do take me on the breeze,
I wish for you to always know,
There is a sprinkle of dust from mars with me...
awsome so awsome. |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 1st March 2005 @ 05:26:11 PM AEST
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"Although I may seem far away,"
Change that to
"Although our minds are disparate"
and
"There is a sprinkle of dust from mars with me..."
to
"These dusty clouds shall follow me me..."
Very nice and original, once again.
Keep writing. |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 1st March 2005 @ 07:46:23 PM AEST
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I really do, fall in love with your works, every time! They are simply beautiful.
Your metaphors are radiant and iridescent...
“Throw myself into the day”
You provide us with such eloquence and perplexity.
This piece is a celestial journey, demonstrated with mellifluous flow of words and lucid, dreamy, imagery.
You are beyond the stars! oxoxox
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Wednesday, 2nd March 2005 @ 11:57:02 AM AEST
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Very impressive. The imagery is wonderful, and there is a mystical quality to the poem. It is very romantic, and extremely creative.
Super write
Willofree |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Wednesday, 2nd March 2005 @ 01:28:34 PM AEST
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You are going to think that I'm lying if I say every new write of yours is your best, so I will say this is a close second. It's really, really well done though. I like the lightness of it and yet, it's infused with some sort of sadness. You have intertwined those emotions well, and I picture you riding a star into the heavens and bringing back dust to sprinkle over my house in America before you return to England. There's a magical quality to this.
Stitch |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Thursday, 3rd March 2005 @ 02:25:25 PM AEST
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I love the images of this one. A really well done and beautiful piece. Bravo!
Andrew |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Tuesday, 8th March 2005 @ 09:56:45 PM AEST
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first of all, your title drew me right in, but the poem, oh sooo beautiful!! hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 14th March 2005 @ 01:10:37 AM AEST
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A beautifull, touching, creative write.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by b_rand on
Tuesday, 15th March 2005 @ 04:40:37 PM AEST
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| I am going to say that the title doesn't do it justice. I came into this poem with the totally wrong idea. However, great choice with dust from mars. That is a very powerful, hard to get item to give. (so to speak) |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by UnlovedChild on
Thursday, 24th March 2005 @ 06:22:13 AM AEST
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| This is such a beautiful poem. Every part was good! |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 20th April 2007 @ 02:47:54 AM AEST
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OH hun, this is exceptional!!!!!
Since new Philly cannot be found on your pages, I am perusing the
back 'log today. And I am so glad I did. The title of this drew me to
the page and then I was completely captivated by what I found. I
especially love the last stanza, hun. It's so potent and beautiful!!
I love your conception here, sweets. And the ideas
you so poetically laid to verse ... strong passion
and lovely, LOVELY sentiments line the page.
*hugs*
~Breezy |
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Re: Dust from mars
(User Rating: 1 )
by JamesStockdale on
Sunday, 17th March 2019 @ 02:56:32 AM AEST
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| Beautiful indeed.....smiles! |
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