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Untitled
Contributed by
RedDrops
on
Thursday, 24th February 2005 @ 10:17:23 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
She sits alone
No words escape her mouth
No thoughts from her mind
Everyone stares and wonders
But they'll never know
For she is one of a kind
Copyright ©
RedDrops
... [
2005-02-24 22:17:23]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by quill_and_ink on
Thursday, 24th February 2005 @ 10:19:57 PM AEST
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| A short yet effective poem - it would be good to hear more about the poem. |
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Re: Untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 24th February 2005 @ 10:25:31 PM AEST
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| Good start. You've got potential. |
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Re: Untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Thursday, 24th February 2005 @ 10:36:41 PM AEST
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Very good for a new commer, actually it's great so keep writing. I can certainly relate to this one.
huggs, smiles,
emy |
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Re: Untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by RedDrops on
Thursday, 24th February 2005 @ 10:46:13 PM AEST
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phew!
That's relieving, haha.
More about it..
Well, I don't talk to people in school. They understand me just as much as I understand them...which is not at all. I carry a composition book with me everywhere, and it just popped into my head today in the cafeteria while I was looking around at people, so I wrote it down. |
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Re: Untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by LadyWynter on
Thursday, 24th February 2005 @ 11:43:50 PM AEST
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My only complaint is that it wasn't longer. :-) I look forward to reading more from you.
LadyWynter |
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Re: Untitled
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 28th February 2005 @ 06:19:49 AM AEST
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The third line is illogical, since you were sitting writing about your own perspective, but its a good start. You mention having problems with your poem length - try exploring the pretentions and attitudes of your contemporaries with your imagination.
You don't need to be overtly factual about it, for you have poetic license, but try not to come across as being dishonestly biased, in respect of their depiction. Also, try out Timebot's challenges in the Poetic Thoughts forum. They'll help you develop.
Welcome to YPDC. |
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