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Behind Stone
Contributed by
TheSchroedmeister
on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 02:02:46 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
In trying what we always do,
I very simply looked
Upon an Earth that
Gave to us
A solemn, soulful verse
The world, you see's
A selfish place,
and you another
Selfish face
parading silken
Sorrows and
dividing up the
difference
Let's hide behind
the Nameless Fact,
that blinding, nameless
Cataract
fool ourselves into
lack
ing time for us
to hold and own
Let's hurl the fury
towards the ground,
so that others may observe
the sound
made drearily by our
troubles abound-
ing
'cross the Seas
of All
Let's drag our
linens down the hall,
curl ourselves in little balls,
build around us castle walls
to fool ourselves again
for
From yonder comes
a sonic boom,
A million strong, and stead
ily
zoom
ing towards our
hollow walls; our
self-made hallowed
halls
For seas of troubles
lick our shores,
from others, we knew not
before
that perhaps if we did not
ignore,
might deepen shallow selves
In the silence beyond;
A silence of reckoning,
relief, and blind facsimile,
a selfless ear
will dredge humility
from our own self
ish
futility
Copyright ©
TheSchroedmeister
... [
2005-02-22 02:02:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Behind Stone
(User Rating: 1 )
by mypetmeatball on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 02:16:37 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Some imagery here is absolutely beautiful.
Polish it up with some edits and revisions, and I see absolutely great things for this work. |
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Re: Behind Stone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 04:21:07 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Meatball has no suggestions - neither do I.
But I don't think this one needs any revisions or edits. Nice stuff. |
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Re: Behind Stone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 07:22:30 AM AEST
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a Message)
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As always, well written and thought provoking.
Stitch |
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Re: Behind Stone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 04:11:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Well said!
It gives me much to ponder on...thank you. |
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Re: Behind Stone
(User Rating: 1 )
by bernard on
Wednesday, 23rd February 2005 @ 10:16:25 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Powerful write. can I say more bernard.
I have had a pretty rough time lately healthwise that is why I have not written much. |
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Re: Behind Stone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Thursday, 24th February 2005 @ 12:29:29 AM AEST
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a Message)
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very interesting and creative write.
makes a person ponders . |
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Re: Behind Stone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Saturday, 5th March 2005 @ 02:28:16 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Oh! i like this! I most certainly do!
Now, it may be that it's after 2am as I write this, but were I completely honest - I'd have to confess that I struggled a bit with the very last stanza. I was rolling right along with the flow of this, enjoying the wisdom and thought processes embedded within, and just sort of got off track somehow in that last stanza. Truly, it may just be me... but I thought it worth mention in case you were interested in feedback of this nature.
Overall great write. Really, the sort of piece I wish I were writing right about now.
Again impressed,
SNM
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Re: Behind Stone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 20th April 2005 @ 02:51:28 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Interesting piece, and rather well done. I like it. The theme is suitably large. The method by which you rhyme a word and then add a suffix (like -ing or -ish) in the next line is different, but I think you pull it off rather well.
Andrew |
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