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There Is Nothing
Contributed by
LadyWynter
on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 01:34:29 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Alone i sit, my eyes turned inward
Searching within for some light of hope
Seeing only my own dark reflection
Lonely years.....broken dreams.....
There is nothing.......
Looking deeper, desperate now
There must be some light among the dark
A shred of joy from some forgotten past
Something.....anything....
There is nothing.......
I feel it now, the darkness within
Sadness, despair, the emptiness
Loneliness has consumed my very soul
And now....I know.....
There is nothing
Copyright ©
LadyWynter
... [
2005-02-22 01:34:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: There Is Nothing
(User Rating: 1 )
by mypetmeatball on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 01:47:19 AM AEST
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a Message)
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You need to escape the traps of phrases such as "broken dreams", "loneliness has consumed my very soul", "seeing my own dark reflection"
I love the repetetion of "there is nothing...", I think your work ties together beautifully, I just think this needs to be toyed with a little more to be a complete poem that fully portrays your message. |
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Re: There Is Nothing
(User Rating: 1 )
by heartquake on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 01:52:39 AM AEST
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| great write, the darkness of it really showed up... it got darker and darker the further you read... a lot of poets use their darkness quota up in the first stanza and the rest sound out of place... good job on this though |
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Re: There Is Nothing
(User Rating: 1 )
by spider on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 10:05:29 AM AEST
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| in my personal opinion i don't think you need to avoid any of the phrases you've used. the poems fits together beautifully and you've portrayed what you want amazingly. |
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Re: There Is Nothing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 01:09:54 PM AEST
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A fabulous write that really pins the tail on severe depression. I believe many would find these words relatable. I know I have seen that portrait of myself in the past.
Nazmythian ~ |
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Re: There Is Nothing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 03:18:07 AM AEST
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| A truly dark & beautiful poem..... your work is amazing!!! |
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Re: There Is Nothing
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Friday, 25th February 2005 @ 11:41:12 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I like the choral repetition and the honesty of the words. Been there.
Watch your caps on I.
Stitch |
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