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my life passing away
Contributed by
thedeathraven
on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 01:03:26 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
i just wanna see the moon,
i just wanna stay alone in the dark,
while i'm looking my life passing away
when the hopeless thinking fill out my mind,
the time when my smile has been carved in marmol,
i don't wanna hear promises, i don't wanna see visions
In the summer of my life, i have seen the winter,
i don't wanna ask why,
i just wanna sit here while i'm looking my life passing away
You're have gone,
i will do the same, some day
but meanwhile i don't have afraid of darkness
the water reflect the moon and the stars,
in this timeless night, without the sun shine,
i hear the sweet whisper of the wind,
And i stay there while i'm looking my life passing away
Copyright ©
thedeathraven
... [
2005-02-22 01:03:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: my life passing away
(User Rating: 1 )
by Live2Die on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 01:10:38 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I like it, but alot of the gammar really confused me. |
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Re: my life passing away
(User Rating: 1 )
by mypetmeatball on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 01:11:10 AM AEST
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a Message)
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It definitely paints a picture for me, nice work. I like the transition of the piece from stanza to stanza and some of the language is beautiful.
However, this poem is in need of revision and editing. Could be much better than it is. Good luck |
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Re: my life passing away
(User Rating: 1 )
by theDeathRaven on
Tuesday, 22nd February 2005 @ 01:14:23 AM AEST
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hello, yes, actually my english suck, but well i'm just do my best, sorry for the poor grammar.
Soy mejor escribiendo en español :-) |
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