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Fighting Suicide
Contributed by
xXcrossedXx
on
Friday, 18th February 2005 @ 07:16:23 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
It’s a fight that’s
Never won.
It’s a battle,
Never lost.
When every bone
Yearns to be broken.
When every cut
Wants to re-open.
All your thoughts
Order you to be depressed:
Feel the pain,
Once more.
Cut real deep,
Once more.
Swallow eighty pills,
Once more.
Write a note,
Once more.
Shed your tears,
Once more.
Write a poem,
Once more.
Hide in your room,
Once more.
Wear your mask,
Once more.
Wish to die,
Once more.
Say you’re sorry,
Once more.
Say goodbye,
Once more.
You can try to fight.
But you can’t run,
You can’t hide.
You can’t stop your heart
From feeling as if its just died.
As if it’s lost every god damn person
You’ve ever loved,
Seen, or talked to.
You can’t win.
But you never lose.
It’s impossible,
It’s an ongoing game.
No players,
No rules,
No cheats,
No luck.
Just you.
Copyright ©
xXcrossedXx
... [
2005-02-18 19:16:23]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Fighting Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on
Friday, 18th February 2005 @ 07:26:13 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Once more...um... a few too any times, but other than that great poem
=]
Clark |
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Re: Fighting Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by Amanda_Interrupted on
Saturday, 19th February 2005 @ 02:20:53 PM AEST
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| I like it. |
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Re: Fighting Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spazzo on
Saturday, 19th February 2005 @ 09:10:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Really you can win. And you can lose. You lose if you give in and kill yourself. Great poem. I can relate. But you can always beat depression.
Scott |
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Re: Fighting Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by defaultrockstar on
Sunday, 20th February 2005 @ 06:22:34 AM AEST
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| Good poem for the most part. Good work. Would have been better if you left the "once more"s out. It felt too repetitious. I just wanted the poem to end at that point. And it seemed like you were trying too hard to be profound. But all in all, it's a good poem. :) |
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Re: Fighting Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by allforyou on
Monday, 21st February 2005 @ 08:22:27 PM AEST
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|
I like the "once more's"...the repetition emphasizes that attempts at suicide have been unsuccessful in the past and that its like an ongoing fight, trying not to give in to another slash on ur wrist, or swallowing more pills, etc. Great Write.
--Kara |
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Re: Fighting Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dorkfish on
Friday, 17th June 2005 @ 05:44:41 PM AEST
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| You are so young. Whatever happened to you to make you consider suicide, it WILL be ok. I felt the same way as you when I was 14 or 15, that my boyfriend at the time was the love of my life and I wanted to die over him or a fight with a friend was the end of world. Or something having to do with your parents would be the end of you. It will get better, IT WILL! As for the poem I've seen better from you, it just seemed more like a cry for help or attention more than a poem. Feel better! |
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Re: Fighting Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 17th June 2005 @ 09:41:34 PM AEST
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|
| your beginning tying with your ending, excellent. i always love that in a piece. the closer to the exact words the better. reminds me of chess, but then my adrenaline actually starts pumping when playing chess, talk about someone taking it too seriously =] this was excellent, i could have done without the oncemores, but i can see that if you had this read outloud, that if you put real dramatic emphasis on once more, it could sound nice. ive definantly seen a lot of improvements in such short time. |
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Re: Fighting Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by wlamom on
Tuesday, 21st June 2005 @ 01:55:06 PM AEST
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| Whenever there are'nt any rules make up your own, that way you'll win! Life always makes us think of doing it but the excitement of what tomorrow brings always keeps you here trust me! |
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Re: Fighting Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Wednesday, 22nd June 2005 @ 01:12:50 PM AEST
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| I totally love your repetition in this piece. It was quite intense at the same time as well. It has a very strong sense of fluidity and it's just an enjoyable read. Sort of like a roller coaster, lol. The distinction between never losing a battle, but at the same time never winning it, was something I enjoyed as well. The structure itself also points to that kind of flowing sense you've given your write here. It's a long and narrow write shape-wise, and each line give you more of an impact and kind of pulls you further in. Excellent stuff once again. |
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