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Grace Unto the Undeserving
Contributed by
savingmarion
on
Wednesday, 16th February 2005 @ 05:43:54 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
She spouted violence from her trachea,
After she caught the scent of my rolling amputations.
She made me crawl across the floor on my fingertips of lilacs.
Staring at charred reflections, I sipped on molten wax,
Waiting for her to drop the “x’s” on my shrinking pupils.
It never came. A stance firm in damp awe,
I placed crowded lacerations atop the decibels of confusion.
I surrendered insecurities and waited for the clouds to clear.
Copyright ©
savingmarion
... [
2005-02-16 17:43:54]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Grace Unto the Undeserving
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Wednesday, 16th February 2005 @ 06:21:19 PM AEST
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Good use of imagery in this poem. It's very clear cut and descriptive.
A stance firm in damp awe,
I placed crowded lacerations atop the decibels of confusion.
I surrendered insecurities and waited for the clouds to clear.
I loved this part. In my opinion, it saved your poem. At first when I was reading it, I was enjoying it, but I didn't think it was great. However the ending was brilliant I must say. It shows depth and meaning. I always appreciate that.
Be True,
zenmind |
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Re: Grace Unto the Undeserving
(User Rating: 1 )
by vox on
Saturday, 13th August 2005 @ 04:13:03 PM AEST
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| boy, this was something. really something!! |
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