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Raindrops Are Fresh Tears
Contributed by
xXcrossedXx
on
Wednesday, 16th February 2005 @ 04:01:19 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
When I’m depressed
I sit in the rain
Hoping that all of my pain will drain.
I cry and cry
And when my tears run dry
The rain washes away everything.
Then the storm stops
And I step inside
Running to my room, where I can hide.
The cycle starts over
First I’m sad then I’m mad
I hate myself for feeling anything but glad.
I quick grab a knife
That’s hid in a drawer
Where I put poems and pictures that I store.
Then I look at the cuts, bruises and scars
And then it turns night,
So I look at the stars.
I wish on one that’s not so bright
And pray for it to gain more light.
Nothing should feel as I do
Nothing should feel the hurt I’m put through.
People think that I don’t care,
But barely any know I’m there.
I actually see everyone,
I listen to their conversations
Since I have no one to start my own.
Though I’ve got stories of things no ones known.
But as I sit there listening
I hear how hurt some people are
So at night when I wish on my star
I wish for people to feel loved
I wish for people to feel happy
I wish for me to have their pain
So that they don’t have to sit out the rain.
Copyright ©
xXcrossedXx
... [
2005-02-16 16:01:19]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Raindrops Are Fresh Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by noone on
Wednesday, 16th February 2005 @ 04:16:09 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I really liked this! Its very unique and i could understand because i can relate to it in a way. Thanx for sharing your thoughts and feelings, truely appreciated!
Take care,
Kirsty x |
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Re: Raindrops Are Fresh Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 16th February 2005 @ 10:03:31 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow...I really do love this piece. It's very well written and it's a very emotional write that I can relate to.
"I wish for me to have their pain
So that they don’t have to sit out the rain."
I love that ending!
Excellent work! |
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Re: Raindrops Are Fresh Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Wednesday, 16th February 2005 @ 10:07:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Beautiful poem, very admierable . . .
Dorian Chambers |
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Re: Raindrops Are Fresh Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 17th June 2005 @ 09:30:34 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| in a couple places you need to check to see that you have one word in the sentence to make sure it makes sense or right conjugation, such as last line. you could easily make the switch to rhyme format, youre very good at it only being a freestyler. very good with no repetition, except for the three lines with the "i wish" this piece has a good message and ending. ive noticed that you like to write about everyday things in your overall piece and that you use rain many times, even more than me with colors =] |
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