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not just alone
Contributed by
mysonnet
on
Tuesday, 15th February 2005 @ 09:49:45 AM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
whispering tears
and silent rain
ne'er ending fears
with angry pain
tears came down
like rain that falls-
which land in this lonely town
as time itself slowly crawls
without a single sound
and sense the loneliness of the rain-
with a gentle touch
to feel her pain
that hurt so much
she'd always be the one to ask for a change
and now she'll be the one suffering from that pain
the dark slowly draws itself near
no more shedding of anguish tears
but the thing, the feeling drew near
and made her heart grew fear
the torment she took in the dark
just like a stab into her heart
but she only asked for a friend
who can stand by her till the end
no more friend, and no more luck
one by one left her alone in the dark
nothing else left to feed her insecurity
but just herself, being lonely
Copyright ©
mysonnet
... [
2005-02-15 09:49:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: not just alone
(User Rating: 1 )
by reprobate on
Tuesday, 15th February 2005 @ 10:50:56 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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hey there...it's a little jumpy in places and a feeling of 'grabbing' for flow, but it has heart. i like it. keep at it, it doesn't always come easy!
thanks for sharing |
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Re: not just alone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rhymingron on
Tuesday, 15th February 2005 @ 12:12:37 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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You're on the right track, you just need some practice.Watch some of your words though. Anguish tears? Anquish doesn't work as a modifier. Please accept as constructive and keep on writing.
Good luck and God bless. |
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