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I look and I see You.
Contributed by
xXcrossedXx
on
Tuesday, 15th February 2005 @ 07:33:15 AM in AEST
Topic:
dedicatedpoems
|
I look outside and see you.
I look outside and see you laughing.
I look at the sidewalk and see you running.
I look in your yard and your playing with a water gun.
I look outside and see you.
I look at the creek and you kneeling by the water.
I look in my backyard, and you’re sitting on the swing.
I look in my old room and you’re making fun of my dolls.
I look outside and I see you.
I look in your garage, and you’re up there making a fort.
I look in your room and your playing with army men.
I look in your living room and your splitting up candy from Halloween.
I look outside and I see you.
I look at the road and your riding your bike,
I look at the Arby’s and your there with Al.
I look at a dog and I see you petting Mindy.
I look outside and see you.
I look at a saw and I see you helping your dad.
I look at a piece of yarn and I see you playing Tug of War.
I look at the church and I see you with your bible.
I look outside and see you.
I look at the grass and see you sitting there.
I look at the dandelions and you’re giving one to me.
I look at the ants, and you’re eating a red one.
I look outside and I see you.
I look at the bees and your getting stung.
I look at a cast and your wearing a green one.
I look at a frog and your playing with Toady.
I look outside and I see you.
I look at the sky and your watching the clouds.
I look at the neighbors and you’re behind a fence spying.
I look at a cat and your playing with Angus.
I look outside and see you.
I look at my sister and your telling her to follow you.
I look at my brother and your tagging him.
I look at a raindrop and your filling Toady’s bath.
I look outside and see you.
I look at the snowflake and your catching it on your tongue.
I look at the leaves and your jumping in them.
I look at the sun and your getting burned.
I look outside.
And I see you,
A memory,
That’s all you are.
Copyright ©
xXcrossedXx
... [
2005-02-15 07:33:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I look and I see You.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 17th February 2005 @ 08:15:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This really is a great write, and I'm surprised no one has commented on it...
I know what it's like to just have everything you see remind you of someone. It's hard to take in. I'm sorry you've never gotten to see your friend again. |
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Re: I look and I see You.
(User Rating: 1 )
by xXcrossedXx on
Thursday, 17th February 2005 @ 08:16:26 PM AEST
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Thank you for commenting, ive noticed you've been looking at a lot of mine, i appreciate it.
--amanda-- |
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Re: I look and I see You.
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 17th June 2005 @ 09:20:41 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| well ive already said enough about repetition so i can go on to some other things. your ending needed a comma after i look outside since you cannot start a sentence with and. your ending is good, but not as good as your others. i notice that you have one compound sentence in all of this, that means all the others are simple sentences. using more conjunctions would lessen repetetiveness and make your work more complex and flow easier. saying things such as i see blue. i see red. i see black. i see green in a painting. that can be made more poetic and really show a poets talent. you have talent, but your lines are too simple to show how grand it is. |
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