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Reflections of My Soul
Contributed by
allforyou
on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 11:23:56 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Words are used to express the soul,
and a kiss is used to search it.
Well I'm heartsick, are you disappointed?
I deceive the eye with smiles,
all the while my soul cries out.
I miss the good-ole-days,
with its double-jointed pleasures.
Now in a desperate endeavor for a time,
whose rhyme sang only tunes of the content.
I'm stuck in a horrible, formidable spell,
A hell that I cannot shake.
Can you save me from this place?
Your hypnotic poison executes my disguise,
and the flesh of me is divuldged.
Do you hate who stands across from you now?
Somehow you still hold me by the hand,
and entwined our souls dance in a dreamland.
Copyright ©
allforyou
... [
2005-02-07 23:23:56]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Reflections of My Soul
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bleeding_Nightmares on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 11:43:23 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| It flowed it was vivid and well expressed, excellent poem. |
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Re: Reflections of My Soul
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Wednesday, 9th February 2005 @ 06:02:11 PM AEST
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Great job on this poem! I can tell you really put all of yourself into it, which makes the poem feel real. As for constructive criticism, I would say that you are on the right track. I can tell by reading this that you are probably young, but still you come across as being an intelligent and thoughtful person. The more you write, the better you will get, so my advice is to keep writing, and keep putting yourself into the poem. You had some great lines in this.
Well I'm heartsick, are you disappointed?
I deceive the eye with smiles,
all the while my soul cries out.
I miss the good-ole-days,
with its double-jointed pleasures.
Now in a desperate endeavor for a time,
whose rhyme sang only tunes of the content.
I think this was my favorite part of the poem. The images are very descriptive and vivid. "with its double-jointed pleasures"----that is especially good, it's insightful, you express a lot in a few words here.
I know it's hard to not fall into the trap of low self esteem, but remember that as long as you are true to yourself, you will always be a unique individual who has something important to offer to this world. At the "Your Account" page, you said that you are a strange person. Well you should be proud of that, because it's the strange people, that are always the most authentic and true.
Be True,
zenmind |
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