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Rape the Innocent
Contributed by
essentially9
on
Sunday, 6th February 2005 @ 11:00:45 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Rape the Innocent
You entrance my heart's rhythm
And quicken the rate of my breathing
With each step as you're nearing
I can't run away fast enough
To escape your twisted love
Consciousness rapes me
With unattainable dreams
And I'm raped till I bleed
With conscious need
And pain
Makes black fade
To gray
As consciousness rapes me
With what will never be
But a misery
Copyright ©
essentially9
... [
2005-02-06 23:00:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Rape the Innocent
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on
Sunday, 6th February 2005 @ 11:04:54 PM AEST
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"You entrance my heart's rhythm
And quicken the rate of my breathing
With each step as you're nearing"
I really felt that part Jinnifer
Great write..
Clark |
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Re: Rape the Innocent
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 12:05:47 AM AEST
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This tore threw me without mercy. Geez... it's a powerful piece. I paused a bit at the repeating of "consciousness rapes me" in the last stanza... I do like the statement (very much), but think something is lost with its repetition. Maybe "As it overtakes me" or something similar might be a viable alternative? Dunno... just a thought.
This is (and remains regardless of my prodding) a potent write. Well done, E!
Hoping you don't mind my rambling,
~SNM~ |
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Re: Rape the Innocent
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 04:11:31 AM AEST
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Such is the misery.a powerful expression. shows a bleeding heart.:-) venkat
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Re: Rape the Innocent
(User Rating: 1 )
by afterdark on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 07:27:58 AM AEST
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As consciousness rapes me
With what will never be
But a misery
Very good last stanza,this is powerful to no end..But then again you alreasdy knew this right.. |
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Re: Rape the Innocent
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 08:28:40 AM AEST
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Wow my god Jennifer that was just bloody brilliant. What an terrific write i really enjoyed your poetic skills.
Nice poem as always.
Jane x |
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Re: Rape the Innocent
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bleeding_Nightmares on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 11:15:51 AM AEST
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| Deep words and excellently written poem. |
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Re: Rape the Innocent
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 12:23:25 PM AEST
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powerful and dark, a great write,
pix xx |
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Re: Rape the Innocent
(User Rating: 1 )
by noone on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 01:19:09 PM AEST
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Good work. You have truly captured the moment. You have great talent, keep writing.
Noone |
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Re: Rape the Innocent
(User Rating: 1 )
by waos on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 07:12:51 PM AEST
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Not bad - I'm not a huge fan of the first stanza part but the last one
was very very good. Nice job!
~waos/kara |
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Re: Rape the Innocent
(User Rating: 1 )
by UnlovedChild on
Wednesday, 9th February 2005 @ 11:56:04 PM AEST
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| Starts off strong and stays strong until the very end. Excellent write! |
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