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Alone
Contributed by
catz77
on
Thursday, 3rd February 2005 @ 07:14:46 PM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
Its so hard to control this plane
So hard to land
No one feels my pain
No one understands
To many expectations
Just leave me alone
To many compititions
My tears will be shone
Just want be alone
I don't want to listen
I don't want break the rules
Just want to be alone
I want to forget about life's meaning
I want to forget lifes lesson
I want to go meet my creator
Up in heaven
Copyright ©
catz77
... [
2005-02-03 19:14:46]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Alone
(User Rating: 1 )
by bonita2689 on
Thursday, 3rd February 2005 @ 08:26:57 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| I think this poem has a lot of potential but could be helped out by a lot of things, first I like the metaphor in the beginning of the plane but you should also bring this out more in the poem. You only make one reference to it and its just kinda like where did that come from... And just maybe hype up the vocab a bit and you got an A+ poem. Nicely done. Keep writing |
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Re: Alone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Thursday, 3rd February 2005 @ 08:46:26 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| needs more substance and replacement of some verses. other than that, excellence is shone. |
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Re: Alone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stonedraider23 on
Monday, 7th February 2005 @ 10:35:14 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| good write its good the way it is just learn and work better from this one keep it up |
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