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Sonnets in lower case
Contributed by
LevyMetal
on
Tuesday, 1st February 2005 @ 10:18:09 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I am your senses.
You think little of me.
I yearn that you experience life in color and 3D.
I am your taste buds.
You suspect i only grasp the flavor
But i stain your lovers body with forbidden lust.
I am your ears.
You move, you lie, you hurt and i hear.
This is what you are and i am;
The feelings you break upon again and again-
You puke, you vomit, and abrupt the stirrer
So turn and churn and tomorrow is today.
I am your sight.
I play the things you see over in your mind.
Its easy to push slow motion on your flashbacks
I press play, i press stop-
You do it and i'll remember it.
You say it and i'll replay it.
You feel it and i'll burn you and i'll mock you and i'll contradict you and you wont forget it...
Copyright ©
LevyMetal
... [
2005-02-01 22:18:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Sonnets in lower case
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on
Wednesday, 2nd February 2005 @ 11:02:34 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I am thrilled to be the first to comment on your poem! :)
I liked the way you brought your thoughts to life with vivid description using the senses.
This is one of those poems that sinks into my brain, settles for a bit and then I ponder the depth...
I found it simply refreshing to read this...
Now I must check out the rest of your work.
Kie |
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Re: Sonnets in lower case
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Tuesday, 8th February 2005 @ 07:21:07 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Ok, a few things.
1) I love the title. Very creative and interesting.....subtle in a way, in that it is not striking at first, but there is a deep impression that is carried with it. Like a softly sung symphony or something......
2)Also I like how you used the "senses" in the progression of your poem. That's very creative too.
3)I press play, i press stop-
You do it and i'll remember it.
You say it and i'll replay it.
You feel it and i'll burn you and i'll mock you and i'll contradict you and you wont forget it...
I thought that was well expressed and well placed in the poem. Great way to end it with a striking, shriek. I definitely felt that.
Be True,
zenmind |
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