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Too Long
Contributed by
fielding88
on
Friday, 28th January 2005 @ 10:09:07 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
Too long have I welcomed unwelcome Fate.
Never knocking at my door,
But rather waltzing in at hours so late.
We were never friends before.
Too long have I silenced my conscience here
Replaced by Fate's smug grin.
Uncertainty abound; too full of fear
Of trusting my voice within.
"My foot is down. I've had enough."
"You've had your fun, now go!"
"Now now," Fate said "Don't be so rough,"
"I'm letting you live here, you know..."
Copyright ©
fielding88
... [
2005-01-28 10:09:07]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Too Long
(User Rating: 1 )
by nightwolf on
Friday, 28th January 2005 @ 10:36:51 AM AEST
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a Message)
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good write. ie enjoyed it
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Re: Too Long
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rhymingron on
Friday, 28th January 2005 @ 11:08:53 AM AEST
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Very good. I love the message and it was extremely well written. I don't vote very often, but I felt compelled to do so on this one.
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Re: Too Long
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 28th January 2005 @ 11:34:36 AM AEST
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Hmmn. Its a paradox, I think.
Trying to define fate, and the reality of free will, is impossible - but the assertion of free will (or the futile attempt) is worthy of credit . . . and possible, in my opinion.
Well done, but . . .
I wouldn't use 'welcome' along with 'unwelcomed' - its unruly and out of kilter. Try something like 'irate' or something that connotes aloofness.
Keep writing. |
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Re: Too Long
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Friday, 28th January 2005 @ 07:31:52 PM AEST
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I like how you write that you are not a friend of fate.
Very creative.
Stunning write, I wish I could offer critique. but I cannot.
*hugs* Phil xxx |
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Re: Too Long
(User Rating: 1 )
by SimplyMe on
Monday, 31st January 2005 @ 08:52:59 PM AEST
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Hmmm... i understood this to a certain extent. I don't understand many things too well lol. Anyways maybe you can explain it to me sumtime. Much love
~Alucia~ |
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Re: Too Long
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 4th April 2005 @ 10:58:44 PM AEST
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| that ending blew me away. i love your creativity, i need to borrow some of yours =] i really liked the first line also. you made me think, even on the first line. hardly any poem has even done that by the second stanza. |
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Re: Too Long
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Monday, 2nd May 2005 @ 08:41:57 PM AEST
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Ahh. A good piece, this, and I have indeed felt that way. For myself, I think these times were caused by my own blindness to some lesson which was hammering itself on my heart's door. Sometimes not moving forward when you should can make you powerless to do so when you finally come around to it.
I like this. Especially the closing lines. Well said.
Andrew |
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Re: Too Long
(User Rating: 1 )
by xXcrossedXx on
Thursday, 16th June 2005 @ 03:27:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Very creative and so very positive. Wonderful write Marc. Truly amazing. Short and sweet to the extreme.
--amanda-- |
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