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Arcadia
Contributed by
Poppykins
on
Tuesday, 25th January 2005 @ 03:57:41 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I hide among my dreams
And hope never to wake
As I paddle in the streams
Of this blissful world I make.
The sun soaked fantasies.
In golden light I play with rhyme.
Lost in hills and rolling seas.
Idyllic world of Summertime.
It keeps me from my thoughts, so sad
Which hound my heavy head.
In time of late, its got so bad
Which chains me to my bed.
Where I will lie, kissed by a tear
And wait for sleep to smother.
Lying with this constant fear
That holds me like a lover.
But when I sleep, I see the sun
Which warms upon my skin.
And when I sleep no tears will come
Blue eyes no longer swim.
But soon the blush of morning calls
And rainclouds then will brake
As more eternal sadness falls
Upon me when I wake.
Copyright ©
Poppykins
... [
2005-01-25 15:57:41]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Arcadia
(User Rating: 1 )
by xxbreathlessx on
Tuesday, 25th January 2005 @ 04:23:47 PM AEST
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a Message)
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for some reason when i started readin it i thought it was going to be a good poem...i was so wrong...its an amazing poem!!! i mean you have os many great lines here that make you think and ...i dont know. it was just great. i really liked this stanza
"Where I will lie, kissed by a tear
And wait for sleep to smother.
Lying with this constant fear
That holds me like a lover."
fear holding you like a lover?...i found that so intriguing... i never would have thought of it.
great poem, keep on writing!
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Re: Arcadia
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rhymingron on
Tuesday, 25th January 2005 @ 05:37:10 PM AEST
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| I really liked this one. I like the word and rhymn choices and the way it flowed. Great job. I hope you'll take a look at mine. |
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Re: Arcadia
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 26th January 2005 @ 05:27:16 AM AEST
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Well written, as the others have pointed out.
"It keeps me from my thoughts, so sad
Which hound my heavy head.
In time of late, its got so bad
Which chains me to my bed."
I'm sure you mean
"It keeps me from my thoughts, so sad
Which pound my weary head.
These time of late, i'm ailed so bad
it chains me to my bed."
Oh, and you misspelled 'break' in the third last line.
Hope this helps.
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