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Apology
Contributed by
fielding88
on
Monday, 24th January 2005 @ 04:17:24 PM in AEST
Topic:
ApologyPoetry
|
I’ve done my part to do you wrong.
I’ve lied, leaded you along.
I never thought that I’d turn into this.
I never thought I’d want to reminisce,
And begin to look back on a life so long.
I loved my life I wouldn’t change a thing,
But to the past I would often cling
The life I had, that I would not change
In the past I would re-arrange,
And change my future, not knowing what it brings
In my desire for change I’ve written you off .
Started, for no reason, to hate and scoff
Your name, to which I held so dear
Was destroyed in my eyes for simple fear
Of losing a chance for change, discontent in this trough.
I have many sorrows I can never speak.
So many wrongs have made me bleak.
All I hope is that I can make amends
And apologize for trying to justify my ends,
But I know that I wont; time has made me too weak.
Copyright ©
fielding88
... [
2005-01-24 16:17:24]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Apology
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Monday, 24th January 2005 @ 06:27:49 PM AEST
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I like your rhyme patterns here ... it it more of a challenge. Tho words and phrazing tripped me up a bit. I stumbled in the meter, and flow of what I was reading. To make this more effective ... for me ... I would suggest reading it outloud and finding a set comfortable rythym to follow. And adjust the words and thoughts that you have here around the most comfortably read stanza. I like this, don't get me wrong ... I just think if you spent a bit more time with some polish ... it would be much improved.
Nazmythian ~ |
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Re: Apology
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Thursday, 5th May 2005 @ 06:47:03 PM AEST
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| I like the content but I would have to agree with Nazzy's tip; I always read each line aloud when I'm writing so I can change it up a bit to make it sound better. A poem doesn't necessarily have to rhyme to be good, it just needs to have good flow, harmony. Keep it up, you'll only get better....Scorp. |
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Re: Apology
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 16th May 2005 @ 09:08:50 PM AEST
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| =] perfect except its led not leaded. i loved the post. i loved the limerick format most though. i was like what kind of rhyme is that? and then it hit me. ::feels cheek with growing bruise:: i deserve an Apology =] just kidding. your first stanza was exceptional, as was the last. but the beginning....just outstanding. |
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Re: Apology
(User Rating: 1 )
by xXcrossedXx on
Tuesday, 21st June 2005 @ 03:01:25 PM AEST
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I agree with essentially9 outstanding poem, but its the beginning that was just phenominal! There is something about your writing, I take one look at it and am drenched in emotion and meaningful feelings, its not a bad thing though, I love it. It makes your writing come off as very intelligent and professional. Keep up the good work.
--amanda-- |
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