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The 23rd Lament
Contributed by
TigerLily
on
Sunday, 23rd January 2005 @ 11:35:30 PM in AEST
Topic:
toughstuff
|
The Lord is my shepherd -
Like a sheep I blindly follow, the Golden Rule, turning the other cheek,
Refusing to turn away from the wind, or to shelter myself from the rain,
So well herded, have I lost my senses to survive?!
I shall not want -
The child support we so desperately need?!
NOT to have been beaten by my husband?!
My father NOT to have been an alcoholic?!
My sister to NOT have killed her husband?!
My children to talk to me respectfully,
Instead of screaming at me because I can't buy
My son a baseball glove, my daughter a prom dress,
And new tires for the car?!
He maketh me lie down in green pastures -
When I'm so exhausted coming home from my second job,
To my third job as a single mother of three.
Only there AREN’T any green pastures here!
He leadeth me beside still waters -
Stagnant pools of my own tears,
Tears of sadness and frustration,
Answered, rippled, seen by no one.
He restoreth my soul -
To the condition in which I trust no one, depend on no one,
Every wary, but somehow endlessly forgiving...
He leads me in the paths of righteousness -
Ever giving, but never getting, a second chance
Only to be disappointed again and again.
Ever honest, only to have it thrown back in my face
And used against me.
For His name's sake -
It surely can't be for mine, can it?!
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death -
I imagine it is peaceful, quiet,
No children screaming, no bill collectors hounding,
No appliances spewing water on the floor,
No cars breaking down, but mostly
No one condescending or trying to hurt me.
I fear no evil -
As it can't possibly be any worse than the evil and injustice
I've endured in this world, mostly at the hands of my fellow man.
For Thou art with me -
Or are thee?
For if I knew I was going this alone,
I could let go of this desperate illusion
That there should be someone else here
With whom I could share all this.
Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me -
Until I'm gripped with the fear
That they may be turned on me, violently,
Just like they were by other people who said they loved me.
Thou preparest a table before me -
For which I'd truly be grateful,
As my last check to the grocery store bounced,
And I'm not sure when the kids and I will eat again.
In the presence of mine enemies -
But, why?!
I didn't have much of an appetite to begin with,
But the stress of eating with MY enemies
I don't think I can endure it.
Thou anointest my head with oil -
Which makes me very nervous.
They tell me it's Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder,
Too many drinks thrown in my face,
Too many blows to my head and face,
Which I'm always fearful of being repeated.
My cup runneth over -
With my own blood, my own sweat,
And my own tears of pain and sorrow.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me -
I am due,
They certainly have not accompanied me so far.
All the days of my life -
Which sadly I often hope now are few, as I'm so very tired.
And I'm not sure I'm up to hanging around to see my grandchildren.
I'm afraid of what their parents' lives might be like.
And I shall dwell in the House of the Lord -
If he truly turns out to be a benevolent God,
And he doesn't charge rent.
Forever -
Oh, but what I would give for a chance to try this all over again,
Making different choices, amongst other folks.
I promise I'd do better next time.
Are you really hearing this, Lord?!
Amen
Copyright ©
TigerLily
... [
2005-01-23 23:35:30]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The 23rd Lament
(User Rating: 1 )
by Evilnn on
Wednesday, 2nd February 2005 @ 09:54:04 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Cool poem vic!
So descriptive that I felt I was with you
Life certainly can be tough and unfair
but hang in there
Keep writing
Eve
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