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the time in my eyes
Contributed by
feathercut
on
Sunday, 23rd January 2005 @ 03:24:03 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
a deep shatter
a hollow drip
time forgets
time forgives
swallow your pride
swallow your fits
we are slipping away
screaming lightning he taught himself to forgive
holding on to each second he loses with
breathing loss
he lives to give
a deep shatter
a hollow drip
time forgets
time forgives
swallow your pride
swallow your fits
we are slipping.....
and its easy cause you never really hit the ground
float side to side escaping sound
breathe in breathe out
your such a sorry man
so sorry lies keep drooling out
try to help it if u can
the children lay wide eyed forgiving
a life as known for whats worth living
understanding is at peace
eden lies
choked by the deceased
the children can never tell
ghosts only in stories dwell
A deep shatter
A hollow drip
time forgets
time forgives
swallow your pride
swallow your fits
we are starving....
Copyright ©
feathercut
... [
2005-01-23 15:24:03]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: the time in my eyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by afterdark on
Sunday, 23rd January 2005 @ 03:30:22 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| When someone asks for CONSTRUCTIVE criticism it thrills me to no end..But no I will spare you of my normal poetic remarks..This piece is not to bad..It lacks in some areas but the flow is very solid..And yes spell check is a wonder.. |
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Re: the time in my eyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Daniela_Maria_Violin on
Sunday, 23rd January 2005 @ 03:35:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Very nice... though I felt it could have a better title such as "time forgives" maybe? |
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Re: the time in my eyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by dark_descent on
Sunday, 23rd January 2005 @ 04:13:31 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| edgy poetry. i liked it |
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Re: the time in my eyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 23rd January 2005 @ 04:33:39 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I cannot critisize, i like this, adn I read it by accidently clicking the link, but you me..must read more of your work! |
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Re: the time in my eyes
(User Rating: 1 )
by sweetangeluk on
Tuesday, 25th January 2005 @ 03:28:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I loved it. So glad i came across this one.
Excellent well done
Love Sweetangelukxxxx |
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