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Lover's Anthem To Her Step
Contributed by
Dri
on
Wednesday, 19th January 2005 @ 04:12:08 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
she
swan with goddess grace
all arms and body
legs and feet
and pastel shoes
and i am caught up in Envy
the emerald eyed angel that inspires my hand
to write
on that which i can not do
oh, to be her
her body
legs, arms
to be one of those
tender, light, french words
that she echoes with each coordinating step
to be the beat she counts in her head...
with the sun caressing
her lithe body
she stops
light whisps of hair fall to stroke soft cheeks
with one fluid motion
folds down and into herself
and she's sitting beside me,
and i am horrified by it
this ever moving music box adornment
sitting, as i sit
on a hard, wooden floor
an ancient idol, stepping down from the altar
she picks up the words i have written
a lover's anthem to her step
she lets her eyes take in my poetry
as i, moments before, had taken in her dance
she looks to me
wonderment, envy
and for a tiny section of time
we are united
united by the fruitless longing
of something we can't be
but then she's up and dancing
and i am writing, word painting
the sun shines still
Copyright ©
Dri
... [
2005-01-19 16:12:08]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Lover's Anthem To Her Step
(User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on
Wednesday, 19th January 2005 @ 04:30:57 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Very impressive, I must say. First of all, the "sound" of your poem is excellent. It has a great flow. Second, you use great words! Something most people don't do.
the emerald eyed angel that inspires my hand
to write
on that which i can not do
Love it. Great image.
with one fluid motion
folds down and into herself
and she's sitting beside me,
and i am horrified by it
Interesting. I wonder why you were horrified by it? Don't get me wrong. I love the image. There is something more to this, that only you can understand, and since I do not know you, I can only speculate what you feel here.
and for a tiny section of time
we are united
united by the fruitless longing
of something we can't be
Beautifully said
but then she's up and dancing
and i am writing, word painting
the sun shines still
I love this ending because it expresses a feeling of acceptance, that everything is ok, just as it is.
The sun shines still
Yes
Be True,
zenmind |
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Re: Lover's Anthem To Her Step
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sigma-Phi on
Thursday, 28th April 2005 @ 10:48:35 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I like your style of writting. Very unique. I am pleased with the happy ending knowing your content. I'm only puzzled of your sudden feeling horrified. Something that is described so beautiful, why would you fear this angel? Overall I liked your poem. Thanks |
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