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Away From Here (2)
Contributed by
LadyMaki
on
Tuesday, 11th January 2005 @ 06:55:49 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Fix this pain I have inside,
burry it alive.
Take my hand, and grab my heart..
we're leaving here - lets drive.
We'll pack our suitcase bull of bones,
our wallets filled with tears.
Our days ahead are clearing up,
we're facing all our fears.
We'll wash away the broken lies,
we'll burn away the scars.
I'll unbreak your broken heart..
no one thought we'd get this far.
On the highway, 105
with our suitcase full of bones..
one last look back at our past.
We're long gone from our home..
Copyright ©
LadyMaki
... [
2005-01-11 18:55:49]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Away From Here (2)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Tuesday, 11th January 2005 @ 07:02:23 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I have been in this exact place, and I have run forward with the right person at my side.
You have put this into words with aplomb.
I really like the lines about the suitcases of bones and wallets of tears. Nice work.
Stitch |
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Re: Away From Here (2)
(User Rating: 1 )
by wray on
Tuesday, 11th January 2005 @ 07:03:44 PM AEST
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| Hullo there.. Well "suitcase full of bones" was an interesting concept, altho it leads the reader to wonder at the reason behind it -- are they skeletons from the past? Do they represent carrying around a dead past? You might want to fix up some of your typos, but otherwise nice job. |
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Re: Away From Here (2)
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladymaki on
Tuesday, 11th January 2005 @ 07:05:34 PM AEST
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| Aw crap..right, lol, that's supposed to be 'full' not 'bull'. Do you know how I can edit that? |
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Re: Away From Here (2)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenn2004 on
Tuesday, 11th January 2005 @ 08:12:51 PM AEST
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| Great poem i wish i could leave |
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Re: Away From Here (2)
(User Rating: 1 )
by O7NeVeS on
Tuesday, 11th January 2005 @ 09:09:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I think this is a very good write! keep it up. TD
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