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I feel so Ashamed...

Contributed by Dominick-destruction on Tuesday, 4th January 2005 @ 10:49:37 AM in AEST
Topic: ApologyPoetry

Shame & Guilt bleed into each other like watercolors...
Blending into such an ugly shade...
No; I don't feel pretty today.
I am an unholy stain,
I am dirt.
I am left saddened & defeated in the wake of my mistakes...
...Hollow & afraid...
& all through fault of animal instinct.
But now I remain as a wounded, shivering creature...
Cowering in the uneasy dark...
The foolish kind that ventured out even when the hunt's horn had sounded it's warning.
I took the risk...I take the fall....
All those alarm bells ringing in my head...I ignored them.
I feel so very intensely sick in the pits of my knotted stomach...
So sick of me.
I can't tell you why I did it...
I messed up & I'll admit it.
I'm not perfect...
Only human...
But that's no excuse.
Innocent & blissfully ignorant...
Corrupt & wholey stupid.
A madness conceived by loneliness...
Destroying myself with a lunacy of lust.
...Redemption doesn't come with this self abuse.
I made my bed...So now I must R.I.P in it.
I need to purge my soul...
Free my conscience from a heavy weight of consequence.
I want to be who I used to be.
...Why O why did I let things escalate..
I should have stopped things, Now it's too late.
I knew full well that I was playing with fire...
I guess there must be a pyromaniac in here somewhere.
I'm feeling such a sense of self loathing & worthlessness...
But I deserve all of this.
I broke the rules that I had made
& let my morals rust & decay.
I'm sick...I'm selfish...I'm foolish..
...& utterly alone....
I'm disease; Yet again I've infected others...
But i never planned this...It just happened.
Forgive me please...Let all of these feelings be punishment enough.
I'm sorry...I'm so sorry.

(c) Dominick Destruction 24/12/04

Copyright © Dominick-destruction ... [ 2005-01-04 10:49:37]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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