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I gnored & Abandoned (Haiku)
Contributed by
meganloberg
on
Monday, 3rd January 2005 @ 11:58:12 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
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Look out your window
See me standing all alone
Close the drapes forget
I can see in your eyes
You've forgotten already
The loved that we shared
Copyright ©
meganloberg
... [
2005-01-03 23:58:12]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I gnored & Abandoned (Haiku)
(User Rating: 1 )
by meganloberg on
Tuesday, 4th January 2005 @ 12:03:05 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Sorry I forgot to put this, but will you please comment? If you like/hate it, tell me why please. |
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Re: I gnored & Abandoned (Haiku)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dragontear27 on
Tuesday, 4th January 2005 @ 12:16:53 AM AEST
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| It would be alot better if it was.....umm longer ^_^. But good first three lines. ~~lates~~ |
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Re: I gnored & Abandoned (Haiku)
(User Rating: 1 )
by breny on
Tuesday, 4th January 2005 @ 12:24:14 AM AEST
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i also think that it would be better if it was longer. it just kind of stopped and that was it and it seems like you needed to say more. You should work on the ending and give it more of an impact on the reader
*Brenna* |
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Re: I gnored & Abandoned (Haiku)
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Tuesday, 4th January 2005 @ 02:49:07 AM AEST
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I agree with everyone, this poem could use more lines it just suddenly ended.
Hugs,
Jane x |
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Re: I gnored & Abandoned (Haiku)
(User Rating: 1 )
by meganloberg on
Tuesday, 4th January 2005 @ 06:24:53 PM AEST
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Oh, sorry, I didnt say they were two seperate poems.
Haikus?
5 syllables
7 syllables
5 syllables
and that's it |
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Re: I gnored & Abandoned (Haiku)
(User Rating: 1 )
by tin on
Tuesday, 4th January 2005 @ 08:44:53 PM AEST
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i've never been very good at writing haikus, but i've always loved reading them. yours seem to be written well and with a lot of emotion...
i really like it, as well as the rest of your poetry. |
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