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within myself
Contributed by
PhantomVampyress
on
Monday, 3rd January 2005 @ 07:48:29 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Winds of change
approaching near
different things
twists of fate
names unknown
the clouds of dark clearing
sunshine giving way
light through my path
I've gotten this far
I can't give up
I can't give in to the calls of the demons within
they nag and beg
they long for me to unleash the other side of me
Anger inside I fight
battle inside myself for my own peace
for sanity and all that I assume to be righteous
feed my dreams
feed the fears
torn up between all things
which do i take?
where do I run?
angel within myself
the loving
the caring
my need to help those around
battles my demon of anger daily
torn between myself
choosing
which is to take over
not making any sense in general
is all that I am recently
JENNI
Copyright ©
PhantomVampyress
... [
2005-01-03 19:48:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: within myself
(User Rating: 1 )
by TaintedSoul on
Monday, 3rd January 2005 @ 08:00:48 PM AEST
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Can't have light without dark ... it keeps the balance and harmony. However, there are times as we travel along this path of life that they end up battling. Broken and bruised they embrace once more. A cycle that will forever continue. Awesome write.
peace
TS |
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Re: within myself
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 3rd January 2005 @ 08:21:23 PM AEST
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Well u may not make sense to yourself but this write is an awesome, real masterpeice.
Keep up the incredible writes.
huggs, luv,
emy
Very wise wrods. smiles |
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Re: within myself
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Wednesday, 19th January 2005 @ 01:14:13 AM AEST
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a rather confusing poem although maybe
that was how it was intended since you said
near the end that you weren't making any
sense. I liked the first stanza the best since I
could really relate to it especially to the part
about the inner demons. Overall a good
poem.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: within myself
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sinned on
Saturday, 12th February 2005 @ 12:55:39 PM AEST
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Sounds like all of us at times in our lives.What is right,what is wrong,do I sing or string along.Our consence will tell,but only if we listen well.
Good write
Sinned |
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Re: within myself
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 17th March 2005 @ 02:50:16 PM AEST
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Shakespeare wrote something similar, if i recollect correctly.
I like it. |
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Re: within myself
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on
Friday, 18th March 2005 @ 01:00:38 AM AEST
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Hmmm....Torn between good and evil...cool concept and oddly put to words...Great though...And you convey it with so much power...
Clark |
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Re: within myself
(User Rating: 1 )
by liquidsunshine on
Sunday, 27th March 2005 @ 02:54:36 PM AEST
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I liked this... it seemed really... hmm... what's the word... mystical, I think... yes... that's it... mystical.
I hope things ended up for the better.
Lots of love and peace,
Chelsea |
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Re: within myself
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 1st April 2005 @ 11:14:29 PM AEST
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this isnt as good as others i have seen done by you, and in that its disappointing. i didnt like this piece too much because of the repetetive nature and the fact that the concept wasnt as well conveyed as i was hoping.
the ending needs a lot of work. it leaves me unsatisfied that i read an entire piece and the end wasnt even worth reading. the end is the most important part of a piece afterall. an ending can create a masterpiece or destroy one.
the substance of the piece had many of the elements that i never like. i never like repetetion that is not needed. there seems to be no formatting at all in this poem. this piece just seems like rambling of someone that is choosing between good or evil, and the entire concept wasnt even finished. even though this uses a lot of elements to make this a personal piece it doesnt seem anything like one which lessened the effect of the concept and poem in general.
this poem just reminds me of a lot of my poems in the way that the concept was good, but not well conveyed. the ending was not even an ending, just a cut off, and much of the piece would be better off with many verses slaughtered. many of my poems i can not even edit and save because they are so bad. but maybe this poem can be saved, and maybe it cannot. |
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Re: within myself
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 28th September 2008 @ 03:29:37 AM AEST
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This is an intensly beautiful piece
of work by you Jenn, like an
emotional map of your inner self,
hope you never stop writting, it's
well worth checking your archives
as well as your latest offerings.
i really enjoyed reading this, welcome
back . . .
likewise rock on and thank you
always for your readership . . .
take care . . .
Ben . . .
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