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Is There Still Fire?
Contributed by
WorthlesSanity666
on
Saturday, 1st January 2005 @ 09:44:06 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Our world’s gone cold.
It’s all gone gray with
the oppressive misery that’s heavy.
Round every corner and every bend
you find children
weeping black and desperate tears.
No one sleeps and
no one laughs.
Just their smiles linger in
empty photographs and broken tapes.
These faces I see
read lives both hopeless and dreary.
Is there still fire in your eyes?
Copyright ©
WorthlesSanity666
... [
2005-01-01 21:44:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Is There Still Fire?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 1st January 2005 @ 09:48:11 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| this has some feeling in it. what the feeling is, i dont really know. it almost seems empty with a twinge of dispair. maybe you could make it more powerful by making it longer with more details or short and to the point? i think this is really good, but true it can be made better. anything can be made better afterall. but the way you set your verses is what puzzles me. just looks like you hit enter with any given word, because there isnt a rhythym to keep with and there isnt a rhyme to rhyme it with. |
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Re: Is There Still Fire?
(User Rating: 1 )
by WorthlesSanity666 on
Saturday, 1st January 2005 @ 09:54:42 PM AEST
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To All Who Read:
I organize my poems the way I do because it reflects my mood. Right now, my life has no rhyme or reason, so i am inclined to write that way, I suppose. Thank you VERY much for the comment. It was useful and made me realize something about my writing. |
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Re: Is There Still Fire?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 1st January 2005 @ 10:07:18 PM AEST
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| i have to say...i kinda agree. there's something there...but it's like it isn't quite touched yet you know? it's still interesting as it is though... |
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Re: Is There Still Fire?
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Saturday, 1st January 2005 @ 10:25:46 PM AEST
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Great writing.
A very thought provoking poem.
Good work.
huggs, smiles,
emy |
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Re: Is There Still Fire?
(User Rating: 1 )
by blacksabbath026 on
Sunday, 2nd January 2005 @ 12:48:24 PM AEST
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| i like the rythym its really good but the poem isnt really that good at all id you want my honest oppinion but keep the rythym style its weird and good |
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