Welcome to Your Poetry Dot Com - Read, Rate, Comment on, or Submit Poetry. Browse Poetry Forums, or just enjoy other parts of our poetic community.
One of the largest databases of poetry on the net, now over 198,500+ poems!
Welcome to Your Poetry Dot Com    Poems On Site: 198,500+   Comments On Poems: 427,000+   Forum Posts: 105,000+
Custom Search
  Welcome ! Home  ·  FAQ  ·  Topics  ·  Web Links  ·  Your Account  ·  Submit Poetry  ·  Top 30  ·  OldSite Link 10-November 16:09:40 AEST  
  Menu
  Home
· Micks Shop
· Our eBay Store· Error Submit
 Poetry
· Submit Poetry
· Least Read Poems
· Topics
· Members Listing
· Old Site Post 2001
· Old Site Pre 2001
· Poetry Archive
· Public Domain Poetry
 Stories
· Stories (NEW ! )
· Submit Story
· Story Topics
· Stories Archive
· Story Search
  Community
· Our Poetry Forums
· Our Arcade
100's of Games !

  Site Help
· FAQ
· Feedback

  Members Areas
· Your Account
· Members Journals
· Premium Sign-Up
  Premium Section
· Special Section
· Premium Poems
· Premium Submit
· Premium Search
· Premium Top
· Premium Archive
· Premium Topics
 Fun & Games

· Jokes
· Bubble Puzzle
· ConnectN
· Cross Word
· Cross Word Easy
· Drag Puzzle
· Word Hunt
 Reference
· Dictionary
· Dictionary (Rhyming)
· Site Updates
· Content
· Special Content
 Search
· Search
· Web Links
· All Links
 Top
· Top 30
  Help This Site
· Donations
 Others
· Recipes
· Moderators
Our Other Sites
· Embroidery Design Store
· Your Jokes
· Special Urls
· JM Embroideries
· Public Domain Poetry and Stories
· Diamond Dotz
· Cooking Info and Recipes
· Quoof - Australian Story

  Social

Night Walkers

Contributed by poorgirl on Friday, 31st December 2004 @ 08:27:16 PM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry



The dark, seductive velvet of night descends.
With it, fallen angels shrouded in death.
Stalkingg the streets for the life they hold.
The precious life.
Silent wraiths of black mystique.
Twisted with sadistic glee.
Inhuman leeches caressing the city
With icy hands.
Stone cold in death.
Mere shodaws
They walk the ebony night.
Waiting for the next unbeliever
To believe in them.
Give them life.
Precious life.







Copyright © poorgirl ... [ 2004-12-31 20:27:16]
(Date/Time posted on site)





Advertisments:






Previous Posted Poem         | |         Next Posted Poem


 
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title etc.
Re: Night Walkers (User Rating: 1 )
by blacksabbath026 on Friday, 31st December 2004 @ 11:24:24 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Very nice, chilling sort of


Re: Night Walkers (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Thursday, 6th January 2005 @ 07:33:46 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)
Okay . . .

Since this is the only poem of yours that I feel is worthy of my thoughts (your previous two were beneath my consideration, to be kind) I'll spare you some here, in the hope that you'll learn how to properly criticise someone's expression (not that I am any expert, myself) eventually in future.

First off - I like the way you describe the darkness (alone) in adjectives and verbs. "sadistic glee" and "caressing the city" with "black mystique" work well here (on their own).

However,

You have little grasp of grammar, evident after the first line, which shouldn't have a full stop/period ending. I would excuse this normally, but you seem so fastidiously clued up on everyone else's English language skills in your comments, I thought I'd point it out to you in your own rather overt tones.

Also, you contradict your description of these walkers/stalkers/midnight talkers, here;

"They walk the ebony night.
Waiting for the next unbeliever"

No-one waits whilst walking, do they? Its a little strange, to say the least.

And this just doesn't make sense;

"Inhuman leeches caressing the city
With icy hands."

Now, I know I pointed out the plus point in the descriptor, but we all know leeches don't have hands - if your leeches were human and did have hands - I can see how they could draw warmth from the city, as you see it. But unfortunately, you've wrote the inspiration all backwards.

I'd write;

"Insidious leeches sucking at the city
With icy teeth."

as it makes more sense, don't you think?

But at any rate, your ending was good, if repetitive in overusing the word 'precious' . . . I'd give it a 3, to be honest with you.

So - keep writing, I suspect this is a drastic improvement on your other two previous submissions, mainly because you employ form and structure and some useful wordlplay. However - take your own advice to one of your comments' recipients and go study the Oxford English - or even better, go ask the moderators for a spellcheck before you post next time.

Good luck.




While every care is taken to ensure the general sites content is family safe, our moderators cannot be in all places; all the time. Please report poetry and or comments that are in breach of our site rules HERE (Please include poem title or url). Parents also please ensure that you supervise your children well when they are on the internet; regardless of what a site says about being, or being considered, child-safe.

Poetry is much like a great photo, a single "moment in time" capturing many feelings and emotions. Yet, they are very alive; creating stirrings within the readers who form visual "pictures" of the expressed emotions within the Poem. ©

Opinions expressed in the poetry, comments, forums etc. on this site are not necessarily those of this site, its owners and/or operators; but of the individuals who post items to this site.
Frequently Asked Questions | | | Privacy Policy | | | Contact Webmaster

All submitted items are Copyright © to their submitter. All the rest Copyright © 2002-2050 by Your Poetry Dot Com

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of their respective owners.

Script Generation Time: 0.052 Seconds. - View our Site Map | .© your-poetry.com