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Paradistic
Contributed by
worldwise
on
Friday, 31st December 2004 @ 03:06:25 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Don't leave me out in the fog tonight
She warps my world and reels in my dreams
The cold I can bear enough
But when her breath becomes bars
And this place turns into a prison
A black hole would be more inviting to me
Just take me to a place where whispers roam
Skating down the spines of the trees
And let the spinnerets of the sunrays form a tight bond around my soul
Have my eyes bind me forever to this light
In the storm that turns the desert into an oasis
I am born again
Light me up inside
Lips turning into fireflies
And forever light up my nights
Copyright ©
worldwise
... [
2004-12-31 03:06:25] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Paradistic
(User Rating: 1 ) by sicknivesevered on
Friday, 31st December 2004 @ 05:29:57 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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This is very good. The "her breath becomes bars" line is fantastic.
The only thing I would do is use a different word than "black hole". It just feels distant in my head.
But hey... thats just me and I liked it overall. Great job! (^_^)v |
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