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I'm Coming Home
Contributed by
Nazmythian
on
Tuesday, 28th December 2004 @ 04:17:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
|
Days have passed
And nights gone by
I've not held your face
Within my eyes
My skin recalls
Your tender touch
But passions bruise
It longs for much
Voices heard
Of word and song
Lack your thoughts
And sound all wrong
Time has come
To leave this place
Return to your
Undead embrace
People here
Though family
Seem lifeless
Taking aimlessly
Nothing gained
And less returned
Senses seered
And feelings burned
Empty pages
A nameless tome
I close the door
I'm coming home
Copyright ©
Nazmythian
... [
2004-12-28 16:17:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I'm Coming Home
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 28th December 2004 @ 04:28:53 PM AEST
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Well it's a pretty write. It sounds as if you're going where you belong. I hope you feel less emtpy.
Cheers! |
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Re: I'm Coming Home
(User Rating: 1 )
by autumngreeneyes on
Tuesday, 28th December 2004 @ 04:37:50 PM AEST
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| I don't know what this is saying.. it sounds like you're confused too.. I'm not sure who's face is which..the one you're leaving ... yearning..bruised or at home.. tell me this from the beginning..I'm all ears. Well, not all ears..a lot of me is..but that's another story. |
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Re: I'm Coming Home
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 28th December 2004 @ 04:40:25 PM AEST
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"Nothing gained
And less returned
Senses seered
And feelings burned"
Nice stanza...my favorite. Great poem. |
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Re: I'm Coming Home
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 28th December 2004 @ 04:53:52 PM AEST
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| Sounds like you've had enough of the family holiday cheer!Great write naz!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Re: I'm Coming Home
(User Rating: 1 )
by poetmarie on
Tuesday, 28th December 2004 @ 05:02:30 PM AEST
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| Very nice Naz. I get what your saying here. Much confusion and sentiment in this poem but yet has a certain, maybe, revelation to it. Great poem. |
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Re: I'm Coming Home
(User Rating: 1 )
by critterhideaway on
Tuesday, 28th December 2004 @ 05:51:24 PM AEST
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| thats where I am, wish I could go home |
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Re: I'm Coming Home
(User Rating: 1 )
by EmoDCgirl36 on
Tuesday, 28th December 2004 @ 05:58:04 PM AEST
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| This poem is awesome I must agree with everyone and I think that if you read it over and worked a little at it it'd sound so much better. |
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Re: I'm Coming Home
(User Rating: 1 )
by the_Ghost_Moth on
Tuesday, 28th December 2004 @ 06:13:06 PM AEST
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You know how to craft a good poem,
you went from seeing to touching.
Alot of people just beat the same idea
of the first stanza to death,
elaborating, not developing.
This is one that I think
is already a favorite of mine.
Classic Nazmythian.
(whatever the hell a Nazmythian is)
--Ghosty |
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Re: I'm Coming Home
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Tuesday, 28th December 2004 @ 07:51:08 PM AEST
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Hmmmmm. Makes good sense to me. It would seem that your inspiration... no... your... encouragement?... perhaps not quite... I mean, your (is there a word for it really?) has taken a bit of a holiday. Awww, never fear Nazzy - it's temporary, I'm certain.
(why do I get the feeling that you think this was an ok write... good enough, but not necessarily getting to the heart ot what you were thinking when you sat down to write? Maybe it's just that I'm feeling that way lately and mixing that in here --- but, somehow... I'm thinking you're thinking that... dunno)
Suspecting there's much left unsaid here,
Snemmy
(another fan of caffeine) |
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Re: I'm Coming Home
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 29th December 2004 @ 03:31:41 AM AEST
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Christmas with the family can be painfully dull. Thankfully mine was above average this year.
Keep writing, Naz. |
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Re: I'm Coming Home
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Wednesday, 29th December 2004 @ 07:04:19 AM AEST
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amazing write, very well put together my friend *hugs*
pixie xx |
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Re: I'm Coming Home
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Wednesday, 29th December 2004 @ 09:55:28 AM AEST
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You know what Scott? I love your poems.
I don't think you could write a bad one if you tried.
(And once again, I have no idea what to say. lol)
Hmmm, I understand this, though, and I know what family christmas's can be like. lol. Expecially when there is someone to miss.
Great write hunni,
*hugs* Phil xxx |
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Re: I'm Coming Home
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Wednesday, 29th December 2004 @ 03:45:57 PM AEST
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Welcome back Naz, at least I thought you were gone. That must have been one hell of a cup of coffee to create that poem in 10 minutes.... or, yes, just to write the words that flowed. Message appears to be looking forward to coming home. That could be litterly home to a physical place; or more metephysical to a psychological place. I'm always looking for the hidden meaning in your writes.
Another super write
Willofree
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Re: I'm Coming Home
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 5th January 2005 @ 12:38:48 PM AEST
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Days have passed
And nights gone by
I've not held your face
Within my eyes
This was a terrific start - it captured me instantly. what wonders in a cup of coffee. Wish I had your cup. |
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Re: I'm Coming Home
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Wednesday, 5th January 2005 @ 07:14:54 PM AEST
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All the thoughts that go through my head reading this. All the places I could go. When are we ever really home? I could ramble on, but I won't. Another stellar effort, my friend.
Stitch |
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Re: I'm Coming Home
(User Rating: 1 )
by FleurdeSang on
Sunday, 9th January 2005 @ 06:42:26 PM AEST
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Perfect as always Nazzy!! I loved this piece!!! Short phrases that pierce the heart adn leave the reader breathless! Always a pleasure R&R your stuff! Excellent excellent!! Thanks so much for commenting on my Bf & DH: Revenge! So glad to be back home, and find so many new submissions to savor. 10 minutes and a cup of coffee... I should do that sometime. Maybe a masterpiece such as this will pour out of my fingertips.... Beautiful, great flow, and melancholic all wrapped up in a red bow! LOVE IT! All my love! Forever,
Votre fleur de bonheur |
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