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I'm sorry
Contributed by
stonedraider23
on
Monday, 27th December 2004 @ 02:49:24 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
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I never wanted you to get hurt
I'm sorry it happened
We should've stayed the night
I'm sorry I insisted
I made you go
I made you choose
Come with me or never see me again
I'm sorry it was wrong
I was wrong
I miss you more then anything in the world
I'm sorry I made you decide
I'm so sorry
I'd give anything to have you back
Healed and unharmed
It was my fault
I didn't listen
I love you and I'm sorry
Copyright ©
stonedraider23
... [
2004-12-27 02:49:24] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I'm sorry
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Monday, 27th December 2004 @ 03:00:08 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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I like this the way it is. It's pure honesty. Great piece. |
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Re: I'm sorry
(User Rating: 1 ) by saint858 on
Monday, 27th December 2004 @ 03:22:30 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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honesty has to be your number one thing which i like here but you cant forget your flow. for example in lines one and two maybe something like:
From:
"I never wanted you to get hurt
I'm sorry it happened"
to:
"I never wanted you in pain
I'm sorry that it happened"
and keep that tempo some what consistent. just a suggestion though, i still like it even how it is.
-Francis
saint858 |
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Re: I'm sorry
(User Rating: 1 ) by Evilcaf on
Monday, 27th December 2004 @ 05:46:54 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Another good writing hun, so sad . Keep it up ...luv Caf xxx |
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Re: I'm sorry
(User Rating: 1 ) by savedbydeath on
Monday, 27th December 2004 @ 04:32:32 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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i think its great the way it is,great write keep up the great job
PS,all poetry that is straight from the heart is great,theres no need to go back and fix things,and theres no need to strive for the perfect write
savedbydeath |
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