|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Gone...
Contributed by
Mangs
on
Sunday, 26th December 2004 @ 01:30:45 AM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
I waited for you with hugging arms,
My love for you meant no harm.
But the waiting went on and on.
And in the blink of an eye, You were gone.
Never to come back again.
With a flood of pain,
I remained a loner once again.
Shedding rains of tears, But whom shall I Blame?
For making my life so lame
For desiring someone who was not worth the wait
For awakening from my sleep so late.
Yes, I have fallen in love
Fallen in love with my tears
So let me drown myself in an ocean of unhappiness
Let me bury those moments of betrayal
And live for something more loyal...
My tears
Copyright ©
Mangs
... [
2004-12-26 01:30:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Gone...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 26th December 2004 @ 01:36:36 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Beautiful!
"Let me bury those moments of betrayal
And live for something more loyal...
My tears"
I love it. |
|
|
Re: Gone...
(User Rating: 1 )
by smooshable on
Sunday, 26th December 2004 @ 02:01:18 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
There's a lot of feeling in that poem. There's no worse feeling a human can experience that to love and lose. I think you've captured it very well. The last stanza especially, ocean of tears is used a lot, but there's a reason its a classic, its a very visual image.
The only critisizm I have is using the word "lame". It just detracts from poems it really does. Its a beautiful piece of sad imagery that is tainted by such a teeny bopper word. Just try and stick clear of things you can see coming out of the mouth ofa pimply faced youth on a scate board with a back to front basebakk cap and pants around his knees.
But as I said, the rest of the poem is beautiful. |
|
|
Re: Gone...
(User Rating: 1 )
by pUnKa_RaCh on
Sunday, 26th December 2004 @ 06:07:33 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
awww i really liked this...it nearly made me cry cuz im goin through the exact same thing. all my poems are about this one guy who cast me aside like i was nothing.....theres nothing worse and it hurts so bad.
"I waited for you with hugging arms,
My love for you meant no harm.
But the waiting went on and on.
And in the blink of an eye, You were gone."
i can really relate to that. uve written exactly how i feel. well done and take care |
|
|
Re: Gone...
(User Rating: 1 )
by little_genna on
Saturday, 1st January 2005 @ 06:18:56 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I feel slightly offended by smooshable's comment on here.....
Im a teenager and i fit most of the description apart from the spots and trousers down to my knee's.
we dont all use terrible slang like that.....maybe you should be careful steriotyping people so quickly.
Anyway apart from that little rant...
This poem is possible the best poem i have had the pleasure of reading from you.
Hun i know your pain and i feel it everyday.
you are always in my thoughts prayers and dreams.
|
|
|
Re: Gone...
(User Rating: 1 )
by xXcrossedXx on
Saturday, 11th June 2005 @ 10:46:37 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Beautiful Amazing and breath taking once again! First and last stanza are my favorites, though I love everything :)
Keep writing and keep expressing you are very talented.
--amanda-- |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
