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Misunderstood
Contributed by
sick_n_twisted
on
Saturday, 25th December 2004 @ 11:27:42 PM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
They cheat,steal and swear
What do you do? nothing cause you dont care
You just sit there and stare
Their disrespectful and mean
Their gonna grow up to be unliked and not keen
They think their big and lean
Their just stupid kids
That almost everyone forbids
Cause no one like them that much
With the friends they have its hard to keep in touch
Their depression is going up
And their impression is going down
They think their the class clown
Teach them to be good
And they will stop being misunderstood
Hurry,hurry!! while you could
Copyright ©
sick_n_twisted
... [
2004-12-25 23:27:42]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Misunderstood
(User Rating: 1 )
by smooshable on
Sunday, 26th December 2004 @ 02:24:13 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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The poem its self is good, you're angry and I think poetry is a fantastic way to take that anger out. In this day in age people are quick to throw punches, fire guns and drop bombs. We need more people to find constructive outlets like this.
The one thing that detracted from your poem was your use of "their" instead of "they're". I'm a terrible speller and my gramar is terrible so this wouldn't normally worry me but the word was used so much that it really did detract from the poem.
A teacher once taught me a neat little trick for working out when to use which there.
Can the words "they are" be substituted? If so use "They're".
(e.g. They're disrespectful and mean.)
"There" has here in it, so it used to describe a place as here is a place.
(e.g. It is over there)
If none of those fit use their. It's used to decribe groups of things or people.
(e.g Their car is green.)
Just try and get your spelling and gramer a bit better, doesn't have to be perfect and your poems will be a powerful emotional experience for all who read them. |
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Re: Misunderstood
(User Rating: 1 )
by sick_n_twisted on
Sunday, 26th December 2004 @ 11:40:57 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| lol ok sorry |
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