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What I Would Say
Contributed by
Jane_Doe
on
Friday, 24th December 2004 @ 05:48:58 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
I'll die today,
I will not say
I lived a happy life.
Before my eyes,
My sadness flies,
As I pull out the knife.
A shortened song,
An end prolonged,
Although maybe not expected.
My selfish choice,
Go ahead: Rejoice,
None of my decisions were respected.
Just Minor pains,
Two broken veins,
As blood seeps down my hand.
Beyond my door,
A world of war,
They will never understand.
To end this life,
Is ending strife,
So there's no reason to be crying.
It wont be quick,
And this I pick,
Because I want to know I'm dying.
Copyright ©
Jane_Doe
... [
2004-12-24 17:48:58]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: What I Would Say
(User Rating: 1 )
by Loyalist on
Friday, 24th December 2004 @ 06:33:41 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
You were wrong. I was good. I'd say it captured your feelings that you wanted/needed to get out, so it's as good as any about this subject. Although, there are some points were I thought it was better than the other suicide poems I have read. I liked all the verses up to "None of my decisions were respected". I did not particularly like "Just Minor pains,
Two broken veins,
As blood seeps down my hand." To give you a reason why is because I thought it a cliche' image. please don't take this hard, it's really not such a big deal and I am even guilty of using such imagery. However, it's great again all the way to the end. 4.5 rating from me, but since there is no such rating. I give you a 5! Thanks for reading my opinion. |
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Re: What I Would Say
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stonedraider23 on
Friday, 24th December 2004 @ 06:39:58 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| good poem yea im not suicidal either but i dont know how id write one like this keeep it up |
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Re: What I Would Say
(User Rating: 1 )
by imalive_enoughsaid on
Saturday, 25th December 2004 @ 01:23:47 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| that was good i feel your pain |
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Re: What I Would Say
(User Rating: 1 )
by clowns_can_burn on
Sunday, 26th December 2004 @ 01:13:26 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| i like your choice of words, it really expresses your feelings. i love how you can put that feeling into such a great write |
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Re: What I Would Say
(User Rating: 1 )
by blackmarker on
Sunday, 26th December 2004 @ 05:22:03 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Amazing job.
I love the rhyming scheme. |
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Re: What I Would Say
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spazzo on
Saturday, 8th January 2005 @ 03:46:41 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I hope things are going better for you now. Suicide isn't the answer.
Spazzo |
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Re: What I Would Say
(User Rating: 1 )
by Tanna on
Saturday, 8th January 2005 @ 06:00:38 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I would say this was VERY good. Your rhyming scheme was great, and you carried the point across emotionally and in a well thought out way. |
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Re: What I Would Say
(User Rating: 1 )
by CAUGHTinAdream on
Monday, 10th January 2005 @ 07:01:22 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I really liked this. I'm not suicidal either but I have these kind of feelings sometimes. I particurally liked this part
Beyond my door,
A world of war,
They will never understand.
I don't know why, but it just appealed to me i guess u could say lol. well anyways, great write, keep it up! :) |
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Re: What I Would Say
(User Rating: 1 )
by UnlovedChild on
Sunday, 27th February 2005 @ 04:37:26 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Very powerful, strong felt poem. Good job. |
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