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Unpack your things
Contributed by
pleasure_is_pain103
on
Sunday, 19th December 2004 @ 03:20:28 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
I cant open my eyes
I cannot believe
Your love must be a lie
Now you want to leave
Will you please unpack your things
Look at me, I know you want to stay
I can't fly away-you've clipped my wings
If you leave me now i wont live another day
My plea's couldn't convince you
So what can I do? I'll sit and wait
I want to tell you I need you
But I've waited too long-I fear it's too late
You can still unpack your things
And tell me you want to stay
I haven't flown away-I've clipped my own wings
Since you've left I havent lived one day
But I have ways to escape this pain
I drink and drink until I cant remember your name
Then I pass out until the morning comes
And I'll do it again until your gone
So please come home and unpack your things
And tell me this time you'll always stay
I'll never fly away-I'll keep clipping my wings
Because it'll hurt to much to live through another day
Copyright ©
pleasure_is_pain103
... [
2004-12-19 15:20:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Unpack your things
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jishes_4_ever on
Sunday, 19th December 2004 @ 03:36:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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great write... enjoyed reading
hope to c more from u soon
Jishes |
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Re: Unpack your things
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Sunday, 19th December 2004 @ 04:15:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I really like this. It's very good, the only think I would say though, is that halfways through it loses a little bit of the flow, I think probably because it was re-written? Like... in the 5th stanza, last line, maybe changing 'gone' to 'home' would make it flow better.
I hope that doesn't offend you. It is a great poem as it is, I'm just trying to help.
*hugs* Phil xxx |
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